Birthday ode to a Little Bro

Pat Shortall: Pure ball striker

Sweet-swingin’ golf retiree

Sing along to the tune from Monty Python’s “He’s a Lumberjack“! 

Canadian Mounties should be in full dress uniform.

.

Pat’s a ‘Lil Bro, and he’s OK

Though 6 foot 2, a Little Brother anyway.

(Repeat refrain)

He’s retired now, doesn’t work very hard,

Facebook posts when he cleans his car!

Plays golf throughout the South of Cal;

More posts when he’s eats with his favorite gal!

(Repeat refrain and stanza)

He likes to BBQ, has his own smokehouse,

Criss-crosses the country with his enabling spouse.

On some days he goes a gyming

And drinks Arnold Palmer teas!

(Repeat stanza and refrain)

Home Opening Day; he laments his station

So far away from the Phillies Nation.

When he gets to cheer them at the Dodgers’ place,

He pleasures in annoying the local fan base!

(Repeat etc., etc.)

Yes, Pat’s a special Brother and he’s damn OK,

And we wouldn’t want it any other way!

Instead of sending belated Birthday cards,

 I’m a quick-thinking, though defective bard!

(Etc. Etc. …) 

Happy Birthday, Pat!

Blue & Gold – Notre Dame Fighting Irish

Orange – Philadelphia Flyers

Red – Philadelphia Phillies

Green – Philadelphia Eagles

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Confessions of an Irish-American

irish-landscape-400x600

From Cashel Rock Castle, South Tipperary, Ireland  (Photo by Mark Reinfeld)

May your blessings outnumber

The Shamrocks that grow.

And may trouble avoid you

Wherever you go.

  • One of my fondest memories are my father’s half-serious attempts to convince us that he emigrated directly from the Emerald Isle – braving wild seas and certain death - as but a wee lad.

Unfortunately we kiddies eventually grew wise as we grew older.  Dad could never keep his facts straight, and at various retellings his age during his harrowing crossing of the briny deep was 8,12,10, 6 or 4.

Joe Shortall (second from left, front row) during World War II

Joe Shortall (front row, second from left) during World War II

He had The Gift of the Blarney, he did.

His emigration tale became a running joke at the dinner table whenever he delightfully trotted it out.  “What age were you again?”, was the challenge we would toss his way.  Yet it never once seemed to douse Dad’s enthusiasm for the story.

May you live to be a hundred years, with one extra year to repent.

  •  Irish soda bread is best eaten several days after baking, and only if left sitting on the kitchen counter protected by nothing more than a draped cloth towel.  (I really miss those, Mom!)

 If you’re enough lucky to be Irish…

You’re lucky enough! 

  • I have never been to a St. Patty’s Day parade.
  • I have yet to tread upon The Ould Sod myself.  Someday maybe …
  • I hate boiled cabbage!  I possess no love for corned beef.

As you slide down the banisters of life,

May the splinters never point the wrong way. 

  • imagesFor years I questioned my Irish ancestry, in part because our surname sounded so unlike the O’Briens/Murphys/O’Neils that were considered of typical Irish heritage.

Until one Saturday afternoon watching The Wide World of Sports, we witnessed the Irish amateur boxing team competing against the U.S. squad.  There was an Irish boxer who shared our last name.  He was promptly pummeled by his American counterpart.

Later a friend visiting The Ould Sod on vacation brought back a picture of an appliance store in Dublin that also shared our last name.

  • I have never had a green beer.  Never desired to have one!
  • Tonight, I will search my cable and On Demand offerings in an attempt to watch John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara in The Quiet Man, by far the best Irish movie ever made.  Irish countryside, romance, and a lengthy bare-knuckle fight that any Wayne fan would love!

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And Maureen O’Hara ain’t too hard on the eyes either!

  • One of the best books I’ve ever read was Leon UrisTrinity, the story of Ireland’s tragic struggle for independence from Britain and the Protestant-Catholic wars.  If you haven’t had the chance, you should read it.

May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load.

May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road.

  And may all your friends remember all the favours you are owed!     

This post dedicated to a couple of great Irish parents!

This post dedicated to a couple of great Irish parents!

   

Diet by App (March 4)

What have you lost for me lately?  3.5 lb. adult desert cottontail

What have you lost for me lately? 3.5 lb. adult desert cottontail

More progress!

Down to 232.6 this morning, which translates to a 3.4 pound loss so far.  So we are roughly on track for my one-and-a-half pound a week target!

Guys and their Games

I have come to realize that part of my willingness to stay Honest in the way I use the Lose It! app is my philosophy about cheating in golf.  As a golfer, I always had the philosophy that whenever you outright cheat at keeping score, the only person you are really fooling is Yourself.

Don’t get me wrong.  Usually when we play, we don’t play entirely by the Royal and Ancient/PGA/USGA Rules. Afterall, we’re – almost all – still very part-time players and fulltime hackers.  So we make little concessions to our Playing Abilities, in order to make the Game reasonably fun and not too much a hair-pulling exercise in frustration.  It simply keeps us coming back, instead of chucking the sticks into the nearest estuary.

Of course, if one of us starts out with an honest 2-over after four holes, the microscopes do come out.  As they should …

My point is, when it comes down to it, we know what an honest score looks like if we know the player.  So when someone tells us they bogied the 8th, when we saw them under the bushy evergreen laying 3, they aren’t fooling anyone but themselves!

But I digress …

I have found that I’m much more likely to lie to myself with that late-night binge or the sleight-of-hand pass over the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the fridge if I’m not Keeping Score!  But put a scorecard in my hand, be it from Belle Vista Golf Course in Gilbertsville or a seemingly innocuous diet app on my iPhone, I seem compelled to be a Goody Two Strokes!

Whatever … Golf-type guilt seems to work.

Lessons Learned

Still having problems with the snacking, even when being an Honest (Ben) Hogan.  And while looking for helpful alternatives, I got my self addicted to Frosted Mini Wheats!  With only 189 calories for a serving of 21 pieces, it seemed like a win-win, until I tried stopping at 21.  Not easy at all … Probably has something to do with the sweet, hint-of-salt combination.

On the good side, try snacking on kettle corn.  Popcorn Indiana brand Gourmet Kettlecorn is just 130 calories for a 2-cup serving size.  You still might face the problem of stopping at one serving; but if you slide past the third-base coach’s stop sign, you can still keep away from a really big number.  And you might be able to find the really big bag at Sam’s Club!

vile weed

vile weed

Another thing I have learned is that there are good diet iced teas out there.  Being a big ice tea drinker, finding an acceptable switch was tough.  Hated Lipton’s version when I tried it; but Turkey Hill makes several good diet alternatives including their regular Diet Iced Tea and their Diet Green Tea.

And finally, my spousal unit has been very supportive in the diet effort, even surprising me one night last week with a Lobster dinner!  I like steamed broccoli; but I swear, you have to bathe cauliflower in cheese or chocolate sauce to make that vile weed enjoyable.

2012 in review

(Just sharing the results for Cranky Man’s Lawn as compiled for all bloggers by WordPress.com, who host this blogging website.  Happy New Year! – Mike)

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 6,200 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 10 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Christmas tree Wars

crooked tree“So, how do you guys make sure … ?”

Those words turned out to be a precursor to a Christmas experience I had yet to have the “pleasure” of enjoying.  And as soon as I finished the rest of that sentence, I had one of those little-voice-in-the-back-of-the-head premonitions of Impending Yuletide Aggravation.

We were Christmas tree shopping two weekends before the holiday.  And yes, this would have been a good story to tell about a week ago, but who really has the time for humor when the barely controlled mayhem of the holidays is quickly approaching?

Anyway, we found a suitable tree …

A suitable tree is a) alive, b) reasonably full and bushy, and c) fixable in places where it’s not reasonably full and bushy.  

After looking at the first 45 trees, I usually remind my spousal unit that the tree doesn’t have to be “perfect”, which always gets me that “Thank you, Captain Obvious!” tilted-head glare. 

And as is the customary belief of REAL “Live” Christmas tree aficionados, Artificial Trees are the reserved for the soul-less, Just-Add-Water Christmas types, and Communists.

Fidel Castro extolling the virtues of a straight - but artificial - Christmas tree!

Fidel Castro extolling the perfect alignment of artificial Communist Christmas trees.

… and so we arrange for a tree-rustler to grab our prized evergreen and head off to The Prep Area.  This is where the tree trunk gets a fresh cut and – in our case – a hole drilled up the middle of the trunk to accommodate our center-post tree stand.

For years and years we used the traditional four-point screw clamp tree stands and never seemed to have a problem.  Then twice in three years we had trees topple over for no apparent reason; one time as we were walking out the door to attend Christmas Eve Mass.  

And so ever since we have relied upon our Center Post tree stand.

And this is where Christmas 2012 took its unanticipated cruise through uncharted waters.

The Mistake I made was to ignore the warning signs, despite the “uh oh feeling” I experienced as a result of the below conversation, which followed my evaluation of the center tree drilling set-up the customer service staff was prepared to use.

“Hey, I’m just curious, but I notice you guys don’t have the usual self-check fixture on the top of the drill rig.”

“Yeah, the grounds not level here, so we can’t use the fixture or the trees will come out drilled crookedly.”, the tree rustler offered. 

“So, how do you guys make sure you drill the tree straight?”, I asked.

“Oh well, I’ll hold the tree in place as straight as I can; and so-and-so (The Driller) will check the alignment from three directions to make sure we get it straight.”

uh huh …

Actually, there were two mistakes made here.

The first was to turn our annual Christmas tree hunt into an “adventure”, where we tour 4-5 road-side tree lots before we head back to our known (and reliable) tree merchant because nothing we see – as Carol likes to describe it – jumps out and screams, “MERRY CHRISTMAS!!” with sounds of Schroeder, Lucy and the rest of the Charlie Brown gang singing Christmas Time is Here.

The second was not bailing out as soon as I saw the tree-drilling set up or after hearing the above explanation.  It just didn’t occur to my conscious mind that if the drill rig was not level, even if the tree was visually “straight”, the “crooked” drill rig would …

Well … you can guess what happened next.

Get the tree home, but wait until the next day – Sunday (December 16) – to pop the tree into the center post tree stand.  At first I didn’t notice the Leaning Tree of Holiday Anguish.  I usually allow the tree to stand in the warm house so it “falls out” from its tightly wrapped handling and transportation configuration.

The next morning, I come down stairs on my way to work and check to see how the tree is falling out.

Oh no … You have got to be kidding me!  Crooked?!?  The damn thing is CROOKED!

At first I thought maybe the tree’s trunk is twisted.  So I turned the tree on its stand looking for both The Good Side of the evergreen and an angle where it didn’t look like a drunk leaning against a lamp post.  But no matter which way it was turned it looked somehow even worse!

2012 Tannenbaum II

2012 Tannenbaum II

And so this Christmas season offered me the one holiday experience I had yet to encounter … The Return of a Christmas Tree.  After 50-plus years of Yuletide experience, you tend to believe you have seen it all.

Silly Santa …

Now some might say we were callous to reject an imperfect specimen.  But to me, it wasn’t the tree’s fault.  It was the boobs on the business end of a lopsided drill rig.

The tree vendors were nice enough about it, which they promised they would be when I initially inquired about potential Christmas tree crookedness.

That was the part of the above conversation I left out, which – come to think of it – probably should have been yet ANOTHER warning sign.

They offered me another tree or a refund.  So I made a precursory search for a replacement.  Although I have to admit, I didn’t WANT to find another one, which would be subject to the same off-kilter drilling process.

The tree purveyors offered a smile with my refund; and I trudged on back to the same old place we usually go, where the trees are on display with trunks pre-drilled so there’s no guesswork involved.  So we bought Tannenbaum II at “our usual place” and enjoyed a visually perfect Christmas!

The moral of the story is … “Familiarity breeds content.”

Also … “If it sounds too stupid to be done correctly, listen to that little voice in the back of your head.”

Some things to be Thankful for …

Caring friends who lend a hand 

Our families here and across the land

Relief for those in Sandy’s wake

National pride despite political make

Unconditional love of a family pet

Courage displayed by selfless Vets

Opportunity for those unafraid of labor

Peace and tranquility for all our neighbors

Intimate moments with those you love

And all these blessings from God above!

“Uh oh …” Not a good reaction on an Election Night

“Uh oh …” was my reaction Tuesday night after our poll (Horsham 1-3) closed and our group sat around a table as the votes were tallied.  I hadn’t been expecting a Miracle (Rooney over Schwartz), but I thought the Hail Mary (Romney over Obama) might connect.  And if not that, then surely the Hare would beat the Tortoise (Smith vs. Casey).

I hadn’t felt particularly confident in the days leading up, even as I pushed the message and radiated a positive demeanor.  But when I saw The GOP Headliner up by only 35 votes in our precinct, I was immediately apprehensive.

Beginning Wednesday, I tried several times to write a perspective on the results of Tuesday’s election, but they sounded either vindictive or whiny.  The last thing I wanted to do was place blame on someone – like those misguided attempts to vilify NJ Governor Chris Christie.  So instead, I’ll just throw out some of my own perceptions, and let it go at that.  Bigger Republican minds will grope with this problem, and I’m pretty sure they won’t be placing any calls my way.

  • Can a Moderate Republican win a National election?

Damn good question … Hard to imagine it happening when any Moderate running for The Oval Office feels compelled to zig hard to the Right to survive a primary campaign, then zag back to the Political Middle where all the undecideds reside.  What results are too many YouTube moments and enough potential flip-flops to shod a herd of shoobies.

Said Moderate has to stick to his guns; run as a Moderate; and let the dip chips fall where they may.  A Conservative doesn’t have that problem in the primary battles; but in this case at least, it probably wouldn’t have altered the outcome.

Seems to me that a Moderate Democrat finds it much, much easier to zig to the Left and then zag back to the Middle than it is for a Republican to do so on the other side.  Quite the conundrum …

A disaster from the instant the question was asked during a primary debate in Iowa.  How does one candidate – let alone an entire party of them – sell themselves as pragmatic Budget Solvers when not one of them jumped on the theoretical $10 in budget reductions for a $1 boost in taxes deal?  Just call it the Norquist Curse.

  • Mitt’s tax issues

Romney’s tax returns were an albatross throughout the election, although I supported the position that they were irrelevant and simply political noise created by the Democrats to keep Mitt off-balance.

What I would have done was to release all those past tax returns (assuming there’s nothing mortally wounding in them) during the Democratic National Convention.  The Dems would have been sufficiently distracted and the media ruckus the returns stirred up would have pulled some of the limelight away from the DNC fest.

  • Economy?!?  What economy?!?

Appears that at least 50% of the Electorate either doesn’t really care or they have a warped sense of how long – in Economic terms – four years really is.  Perhaps a new Rule is necessary for limiting how long an incumbent can keep blaming his predecessor for the difficulties of Leadership.  One wonders whom President Obama will blame now that he’s the Predecessor-elect …

  • Protecting the vote

In my humble opinion, bringing this up in a Presidential election year was a classic case of unholstering the sidearm; pointing it at the top of your Oxford wingtip; and letting loose a round.  Even if it wasn’t intended to influence a specific election, it sure LOOKED like it was!  So, let’s keep pushing the current initiative to its conclusion and provide another layer of security to an important process.  Just leave the politics out of it!

  • Social Issues

I’m dancing through the minefield here; because for many fellow Republicans these issues will remain of paramount importance.  These issues, which include such demographically loaded issues as immigration and gay rights, will continue to be an albatross that prevents the GOP from broadening its political base.

My point here is that, with all the other more direct and pressing problems the Nation faces, we – as a Party – must recognize the political limitations and liabilities these positions represent.

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Voter impressions from Election Day:

It’s always a fun distraction, while spending a day at the polls, to watch the infrequent voters who only show up for the Big Headline elections.  You can spot them when they come in the door, looking as if they just stepped through a portal into another dimension. Is this the right place?  Where do I go?  Who ARE these people?!?

Pet peeve of mine are those voters who think we have important elections only once every four years.

One woman – with child in tow – had no idea where she was supposed to vote, and instead of taking responsibility for no knowing for herself, promptly and loudly complained that WE weren’t being helpful enough!

Reminded me of a moment during the 2008 election when – again – all the infrequent voters popped up to make their preferences known.  One voter, who seemed more interested in proving a “voter suppression conspiracy” than figuring out where her polling place was located, accused us of attempting to suppress her rights when we asked for her place of residence which – by the way – determines which polling place to use.

Convinced we were trying to mislead into going somewhere else to vote (i.e. across the street!), she stormed past us – finger waving all the way – and up the three flights of stairs to the polling room.  Five minutes later she comes quickly down the three flights of steps, head bowed, avoiding all eye-contact, and sheepishly walked across Meetinghouse Road to her proper poll location.

Learning something new:

One thing I learned this past Election Day was how Absentee Voters are prevented from casting in-person ballots.  This question was brought up to me during the day, and I found out how it works from an election clerk as we watched the early returns at a local restaurant.

When an Absentee Ballot is mailed, the voting roll book is annotated with the fact that the Voter submitted such a ballot.  The book is annotated, where the Voter would register with their signature, in red lettering so to be immediately noticeable.

And yes, this election clerk stated that several attempts were made by Absentee Voters to vote in person!  When this happens the Absentee Ballot is removed from those to be counted at the end of the night, and the Voter is allowed to cast an in-person ballot.  Of course the Voter does have the option to let the Absentee Ballot stand.

Oops …

Big mistake talking about life on “From the Shoulder of Hurricane Sandy“, when indications were common that the worst of the storm hadn’t even approached!

I’m paying for it now, along with a couple hundred thousand of my closest friends.  Roughly 66 hours without power and absolutely miserable.

Landed a generator from my good friend, Bob, who was lucky enough to get re-energized a few days ago.  Amazing what a difference a little light and a TV can make in your Sanity Level!

On the other hand, we were so very, very fortunate.  And although I tend to post something semi-introspective and maybe a tad humorous on our reaction to being blown back into the early 19th century, I will only be able to do that knowing our situation could have been much, much worse.

Good luck to all those facing long-term displacement or the loss of homes.

From the shoulder of Hurricane Sandy

Yeah, I know … Not quite as sexy as being in the Eye of Sandy, but hopefully this is as close as we get to it!

We’re getting heavier rain now in squalls.  You can actually hear the approaching gusts of wind from well off in the distance, way before they reach you.  Damage – so far – is nonexistent.  Just rain …. But the worst is still off the Jersey coast, I expect.

You often think the buildup to these once-every-50/100-years/lifetime storms that the reality – once it finishes the 8-day trek through the internet, the National Weather alerts, the local TV “meteorologists” (I always get a laugh there.), the FEMA/State/County warnings – seems a bit disappointing.

But then again, I’m sitting roughly 90 miles away from the surf and ocean, atop one of the highest elevations in Montgomery County, PA … Snug as a bug in a rather dry rug.  I’m not out there dealing with the really nasty stuff.

And even if you’re not down on the coast, dodging a rising surf and debris, there are plenty of people living not far at all from where I sit – typing away about nothing of value – who are facing the very real threat of severe water damage to their homes and livelihoods.  They live in low-lying areas, near rivers and creeks, they watch with trepidation every rain squall that’s blows our way.

Friends and family you want nothing to harm or threaten.

That’s when you realize this is no simple matter, nothing that can – or should – be downplayed.

You don’t need your life threatened to have your way of life threatened.

Good luck to all who are out there dealing with a more threatening reality!

Who would YOU want just a heartbeat away from The Oval Office?

I hope that independents and undecideds were watching last night, and realized who has been only a heartbeat away from the Presidency the last four years!  And the next four, should Obama-Biden get re-elected.

If Condescension is a gradeable debate quality, then certainly Joe Smirky Face carried the night.  At least he covered much of the ground President Obama slept through in last week’s debate without noting that the middle class has been buried for the last four years.  But the truly troubling aspect was seeing Biden smiling and laughing during discussions of Americans being killed in Libya and the possibility of Iran successfully developing nuclear weapons!

What was THAT?!?

Paul Ryan accomplished exactly what he needed to prove.  That he’s a serious man; well schooled in the issues of the day; and sharp enough to be an exceptional Vice President.  He did not allow Biden’s cavalier antics to derail his focus or move him off message. He stood his ground; and pushed back when Biden attempted to play his game of dismissiveness. 

Truth be told, the debate was a lot closer than the two-touchdown Presidential blowout in Denver last week.  And those of us on both sides will never agree on who won.  But I really, really hope the voters who were undecided before last night took a long look at who would be a heartbeat away from the Presidency after the November 6 election.

The contrast was remarkable!