philadelphia | Cranky Man's Lawn

Whenever a big snow storm hits, I receive a rude awakening in what my Philadelphia City Wage Tax dollars accomplish for me as I travel to my Philly-hosted, U.S. Navy employment site.

The Navy installation I work at (Naval Support Activity Philadelphia) is located on Oxford Avenue maybe a mile inside the City from Cheltenham Township, my usual route into work.

This means I use maybe a mile of City streets each day (two miles roundtrip) to reach my work desk, which itself is situated on Federal property. And for the pleasure of this jaunt along the pristine streets of Philadelphia I pay roughly $3900/year!

So unless I throw an embolism arguing with my boss over some inane minutia, requiring a police response or a stat med-evac, my lone benefit from that $3900 investment are those grand vistas along that mile stretch of Martin’s Mill Road.

Life don’t get any better than that!

So whenever it snows significantly and the region works hard to shake the white stuff from its broad shoulders, I notice – as I travel from my Horsham residence – the snow-cleared and salted streets of Horsham, Hatboro, Upper Moreland, Lower Moreland, Abington, and Cheltenham townships. And I anticipate the glorious mess the Philadelphia streets still will be two full days after an annoying though thoroughly manageable snow fall.

The clean, salt-laced salted roads of the suburban Townships, those that get to enjoy nothing but my hometown income tax offset for suffering the Philadelphia Wage Tax, transition to the slushy, icy, still full-of-snow streets of a City that struggles to provide its tax-paying citizens bare, essential services.

And they wonder why the schools of Philadelphia are such a monumental mess!

If you cannot manage the simplest of services, how can you possibly do any better with such complex activities as education … regardless of how much money the State might pump in?!? And how does that make YOU feel about what you might be paying in Philly wage taxes and the prospect of future demands for more of it?

Me? I feel all slushy and iced over.

My earliest sports memory is walking into the living room where my father is watching a football game on the black-and-white TV. He was a solid Philadelphia Eagles and Notre Dame football fan. I recall sitting down and asking him which team he was rooting for – the team in black or the team in white. Whichever team he said he was rooting for, I would say that I was rooting for the other. I’m sure he really appreciated my rebellious nature!

Here are some of the images and names I remember most from the mid-1960s to 1980:

Dr. J afloat, suspended beneath a wild Afro, Michael Jack … firing that bare-handed grab on the charge, Norm Snead, Ben Hawkins … chinstrap flying,

Ben Hawkins

Timmy Brown, Pete Retzlaff, Cookie Rojas, Clay Dalrymple, Bobby Wine, walking through the tunnel to catch my first glimpse of the field at Connie Mack Stadium (Thanks, Dad!), Ballantine rings, Longine clock, the right field “spite fence”, a double distelfink doubleheader, frantic ’64 anxiety, Gene Mauch, silver wings on green helmets, horrible green wings on white helmets, Bobby Jones and Billy Cunningham, Chris Short and Jim Bunning, Doug Favell and Bernie Parent, Wilbert Montgomery breaking through the line against Dallas (’80 NFC Championship), Harold Carmichael and Tim Rossovich (renown glass-eater), Bobby Wine and Tony Taylor, Bobby Clarke and Bill Barber, Rick MacLeish … hair flowing, 1980 Superbowl fizzle, Dave Schultz, The Broad Street Bullies, Darrell Dawkins … Chocolate Thunder, Franklin Field, The Spectrum … blow-away roof, The Vet, Philadelphia Phil and Phyllis,

Philadelphia Phil & Phyllis

The Bull, The Secretary of Defense, Fathers Day ’64 with Jim Bunning, LCB Line, Ross Lonsberry, Dallas Green, Danny Ozark, Dick Vermiel, Moose Dupont and Big Bird, bench-clearing brawls, The Hound, Joe Scarpatti, Leroy Keyes, Wes Covington and Tony Gonzales, The Tugger … arms raised, 1980 World Series victory, Pete Rose … spiking the ball, Boone-to-Rose … The Catch, Joe Kuharich, Leonard Tose, Ron Jaworski, Bill Bergey, the Curt Flood debacle, Richie Allen … massive homeruns, the car, the headlight, “Coke” and “Trade me” scrawled in the infield dirt, Johnny Callison, Bob Uecker, Rick Wise … 2 homerun/no-hit game, Larry Bowa, Bake McBride, nosebleed seats for the ’76 MLB All-Star Game, By Saam, Richie Ashburn, Harry Kalas, Paul Owens, Rudy Carpenter, Steve Carlton, Kate Smith, Dornhoeffer and the Watson brothers, Eddie Van Impe and Barry Ashbee, Stanley Cups in ’74 & ’75, fog-bound games in The Aud (Buffalo), powder blue Phillies road uni’s, George Brett meet Dickie Nole and have a seat!