Christmas is definitely more memorable when your kids are young. We had some fun traditions back then, including a few that might now qualify as “psychological abuse” in 17 states. The …
Source: Bad Santa
Christmas is definitely more memorable when your kids are young. We had some fun traditions back then, including a few that might now qualify as “psychological abuse” in 17 states. The …
Source: Bad Santa
Christmas is definitely more memorable when your kids are young. We had some fun traditions back then, including a few that might now qualify as “psychological abuse” in 17 states.
The first would occur after attending Christmas Eve Mass.
Our tradition would be to ride around the local area to check out the Christmas lights and displays with the Christmas songs turned up to ‘hood bouncing volume, before heading home and allowing the grandparents to give the boys early Christmas presents.
The boys, feeling the freedom of having the church obligation completed, and knowing full well that grandchild presents awaited, were usually quite patient and relaxed as our search for Lights of Christmas progressed. But after 30 minutes or so, their facade of patience would start to crack.
So I would start heading our old Dodge Grand Caravan towards home.
Of course when the kids recognized the more familiar streets and neighborhoods; they would know we were getting close to Christmas Present Time.
So each time we got really close to our house, I’d go right past the street or turn in the opposite direction, announcing to Mom that here was a house up the road I wanted her to see. If I turned down our street, I would make several loops around the neighborhood, sometimes slowing as we approached the driveway, then going right on past to the accompaniment of much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
By the time we got home, the kids were near emotional wrecks, and Mom and I could hardly keep from laughing out loud.
Our next fond memory of “enhanced interruptive techniques” was experienced on Christmas morning …
Every Christmas one of the kids (usually that Mischievous Middle Child) would bounce onto our bed at 6:30 sharp. We had no illusions that the little termite hadn’t already been downstairs peeking, so we would waited to exact our own little brand of revenge.
After our MMC crowed one Christmas Eve about how early he was going to wake me up, I felt the dawning of a brilliant idea!
That night once the Children were nestled, all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar-plums dance in their heads, I stealthily tied bungee cords from their bedroom doors to the stairway railing across the hall!
(Yes … Four out of five firemen would probably not recommend such a prank, but our house was virtually new back then. Very low risk, trust me!)
That was a fun Christmas morning with Carol and I giggling like sixth-graders as the wails from the MMC’s bedroom went on for roughly 10 minutes. Finally our resourceful little termite pried his door open just enough to squirm his body out his bedroom door. To his credit though, he immediately went downstairs to snoop at what was under the tree before heading back upstairs to free his fellow inmates.
Most Christmases we made the boys wait at the top of the stairs as Mom and I prepped for the morning’s cyclone of torn wrapping paper and discarded bows. We took our grand old time getting our faces ready, usually with one keeping an eye on the inmates while the other was brushing their teeth.
Then I would head downstairs for the Official Opening Ceremony.
You may think I’m kidding, but that’s exactly what it was!
I would prattle around for 20 minutes, getting the coffee going; lighting the tree; fiddling with the old shoulder-held VHS recorder; and putting the dog out for her morning constitutional. All the while the kids are pleading, “Dad, hurry up!”
Which of course that just made me move a little slower.
Finally, I would have everything ready, the VHS recorder in position; and the kids would start creeping down the steps. And then I would launch into my Christmas Morning Speech …
It was usually a thing of beauty. Like a condensed senatorial filibuster …
“Mom, he’s doing this on purpose!”
I would set the stage for the day’s event and provide the viewers with an elaborate description of the tree, the number of presents (with a few “Oohs” and “Ahhs” thrown in to turn the screws a little tighter), that day’s participants (by now the boys were pleading with their mother to shut me down), and then a lengthy description of the weather.
Once the wailing had subsided, I would end my speech with a “Merry Christmas to all!”; and the boys anticipation would be at peek levels …
Then I’d say, “Dammit, somethings wrong with the camera/tree/coffee maker.”
The cacophony of wails was both heart rendering and side-splitting funny.
Now for those who might think such acts qualify me for The Grinch that Stole Christmas, let me assure you that these stories are repeated year-after-year during our holidays together. Like it or not, like me or not … They are a small – but funny – part of our family’s Holiday tradition!
Merry Christmas to all, and make sure you can get out that door before you Sugar-Plum Dance!
Yes, reader … It’s that time of the year once again!
Those words were a precursor to a Christmas experience I had yet to have the “pleasure” of experiencing. By the time I finished that sentence, I was having one of those little voice-in-the-back-of-the-head premonitions of impending Yuletide Aggravation.
We were Christmas tree shopping two weekends before the holiday. And we had found a suitable tree …
A suitable tree is a) alive, b) reasonably full and bushy, and c) fixable in places where it’s not reasonably full and bushy.
After looking at the first 45 trees, I usually remind my spousal unit that the tree doesn’t have to be “perfect”, which always gets me that “Thank you, Captain Obvious!” tilt-headed glare … which of course I live for!
As is the customary belief of REAL Christmas tree aficionados, Artificial Trees are reserved for soul-less, Just-Add-Water, Communists.
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Hope you enjoy this very carefully, very tastefully written review of our first couples massage experience. Hopefully I will not end up sleeping on the couch … again, when the incredibly lovely Carol stumbles across this post and discovers I shared an semi-intimate moment solely as a way to promote tourism to the Dominican Republic.
OK … and for the laughs.
As I see it … at my age … any day that starts off with me in a pool with a naked female is a Very, Very Good Day!
When it comes to the massage, one must acknowledge that the ability to render a proper massage is an Art! The techniques are to be admired and enjoyed, but require training and experience. Although many an intimate couple will play at the Art of Massage, without the proper knowledge and experience, the massage is just a means to an end.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that ….
I will be the first to admit my skills at massage never advanced beyond the clumsy basics. After this experience while in Punta Cana, I can honestly state that I had no idea just how inexperienced I was.
The Couples Massage package was an extra to the all-inclusive concept at Barceló Bávaro Beach. But it’s worth every penny! The spa is located within the Palace Deluxe Hotel complex. and is accessible at any time by Premium Club members. Besides the quiet, fragrant massage rooms, the spa includes a large outdoor pool and jacuzzi, indoor jacuzzi and small pool, but no drink service. (You can bring in adult libations if you so desire.)
The experience begins in the gender-specific locker rooms where one can shed all the decorative physical trappings of modest society … at least on the female side. The men however were encouraged to keep their swimsuits or shorts on …
Bummer … Completely understandable, I guess … Still a bummer …
Once ensconced in a fluffy terry cloth robe, Carol and I met up in the couples suite. Quiet, dimly lit by candles, with a romantic arrangement of towels in the shape of a heart and two obviously smitten terrycloth swans, richly appointed with fragrant flower petals. The atmosphere exudes everything you need to slowly slip into a coma of complete relaxation.
What caught me off guard was finding Carol sans ALL Decorative Trappings of Modest Society, while I was still in a swimsuit. WT … ?!?
But I guess the presence of two female masseuse explains the discrimination to which I was unexposed. Not that I’m complaining … At least one of us was completely stripped of all Decorative Trappings of Modest Society!
Even funnier was the experience of the gentleman in the couple who accompanied us to the DR. He was instructed to shed his swimwear and sling his … uh … male-hood in a “banana hammock”!
When I heard of this AFTER our massage, I was relieved I wasn’t required to sling The Hammock! Otherwise Carol would have been laughing throughout the entire massage experience!
The massage itself starts with an exfoliation, cleaning and massage of the lower legs and feet while reclining peacefully and blindfolded, which simply makes the experience a bit more mysteriously unsettling.
“What the heck is she doing? What’s that stuff?? Oh, that’s nice …”
Next comes the main massage event, complete with security-inducing sheet and coverlet on the traditional massage table. It was during this transition that I noticed Carol and I were differently dressed.
Have I mentioned that already???
To make a long post shorter, I will not go into a detailed playback of the massage itself. Rest assured it was expertly applied and deeply relaxing. This being my first professional massage experience, I can say without reservation that the good masseur at Barceló know what they are doing!
Once the experts were done, the drapes to our private couples room were thrown open to reveal a small pool set off in an equally private walled-off courtyard. And when we slipped out the door, we were surprised by the presence of two lounge chairs, a bottle of champagne and two glasses!
As one masseuse bid us farewell and drew closed the drapery, she made a very clear pronouncement, “I will be back in 20 minutes!”
That’s when the light went on!
Hmmmm … Carol still au naturel … champagne … massage oils … a pool and complete privacy … for 20 minutes!?!
Well, I appreciated the optimism, especially as to my personal stamina, but that presumption was a bridge too far. We did however enjoy the personal intimacy of being secluded in an extremely relaxed state in a very cold pool, and enough bubbly to liberate one’s inhibitions.
But that water might have been a bit too cold …
As it turned out, it was one of the best days of the vacation. The couples massage is definitely worth the price of admission, assuming of course you get a masseuse who knows what they’re doing!
For me … I hit the daily Double the next day with ANOTHER naked female in the pool. But it was a dolphin …
I am not much the world traveler. When the kids were young, all our vacations were Domestically oriented. It was simpler, more affordable, easier to manage with kiddies.
That will hopefully change a bit now that Carol and I are entering (almost) Empty Nest Syndrome. My better half has the leg up so far, enjoying several south-of-the-border vacations with a friend. But if they are having this much fun, I may smarten up and start following her around more.
For our 30th anniversary (October 2015) we promised ourselves a nice tropical trip; and finally decided to book an Apple Vacation to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic with another couple with whom we have vacationed with the last few years. For me, it’s been awhile that I hit the Jamaican beaches on our honeymoon.
A long time ago … in a land far, far away …
We left in late September, returning in the first week of October. More on that experience and our closer-than-comfortable proximity to Matthew later.
Being a neophyte at international vacationing, I prefer Simple over Elaborate; so chosing an All-Inclusive route fits my emergent needs perfectly. Our choice was Barceló Bavarro Beach, an adults only all-inclusive situated within a larger, free-range resort complete with family oriented and other less-inclusive … I assume … options.
To rate the experience as one of our Best Vacations Ever is no overstatement!
The Barceló Group is a family owned Spanish tourism company founded over 85 years ago. Employing 23,000 people at 100 hotels in 19 countries and 685 travel agencies in 22 nations, they really have their act together! Despite that I had never heard of them before last week. Now they top the list as my favorite international resort. (Yes, as mentioned, it’s a small sample size.)
The accommodations were very good, given the great idea to upgrade our package to the Premium Club, that – among other benefits – gave us an ocean-front view. The upgrade allowed for dinner at all the resort’s restaurants; provided discounts on excursions; and access to other limited-access amenities.
The resort staff were nothing if not exceptionally friendly and obliging. The resort was spotless and comfortably appointed. The adult beverage stations were convenient; the service friendly, generous, and – most times – quick.
The food was good, not great; although the resort’s best restaurants (Kyoto Japanese, La Comidie French) made for memorable meal experiences. Skip México Lindo and the Sante Fe Steakhouse establishments. The El Coral Restaurant (seafood) and La Dolcé Vita (Italian) were also very good. We heard Le Fuente (Spanish menu) was excellent, but we missed that one.
The breakfast and lunch buffets were good, clean, and nourishing. But you know buffets … Timing is everything! Almost everywhere the meal wait staff was friendly and attentive.
Yet … It was a trip we almost did not make.
Attempt #1 … Scheduled for June originally, we had to push the trip back a few months due to one of our – ahem – less youthful companions ripping a vital tendon while playing power forward with “less experienced” individuals.
Attempt #2 … Scheduled for the very end of September through the first week in October (“That’s hurricane season, ya know.”, I helpfully added at the time.) drew near just as Category 1 (soon-to-be-a-4 ) Hurricane Matthew drew near to the southern Caribbean. The night before the scheduled participants (all with intact tendons) debated the Probabilities, Possible Outcomes, and Risks until eventually concluding we all really, really needed many fruity drinks in a clothing-minimizing locale and “To Hell with …” caution. (And it was going to cost too much to change!)
That evening Matthew passed to the south of the D.R., then spent a few days nagging the northern coast of South America … and growing in strength before heading north. Much more fortunately for us than the good people of Jamaica, Haiti, and Cuba, Matthew threw us nothing more than a day and a half of rain. It was not even enough to keep us from doing what activities we had already scheduled.
The excursions and packages we took advantage of were …
Of course, one does not need the expensive (but honestly well worth the price) excursions to have an entertaining time! Barceló Punta Cana has much to offer without leaving the friendly confines of the resort. There’s golf, a casino, a discotheque, a bowling alley, miniature golf, water parks for both young children and adults, several live show venues and offerings (Most of these were a bit corny and amateurish.), Dolphin Island (We chose to go off-campus for our experience.), tons of shopping opportunities, a sports bar, and daily activities on the beach and in the pools.
The beach itself is a beautiful spot, yet we only spent parts of two days there. Most of our resort “downtime” was spent in the pools, fountains, and walk-up/swim-up bars. There is plenty of shaded areas for the sun-adverse, like me. You really cannot beat the quiet relaxation of the pools on the adult-only side of the resort. And if you want more noise while enjoying the refreshing waters, head over to Barceló Palace, the center of the resort, where most of the action takes place, including the swim-up pool bar!
In my humble, inexperienced opinion, you would really have to struggle to not have a grand time at Barceló Punta Cana!
It’s been awhile since last we spoke. Personally, I have been having a hard time finding subjects on which I feel strongly enough to write. My writer’s block has however been finally been broken by a flood of Facebook posts deriding the recent trend of National Football League (NFL) players refusing to stand; kneeling through; or raising black fists in protest of varying social conditions during The National Anthem.
The Facebook pleas encourage me to stop watching the NFL; to boycott league-sponsored merchandise and broadcast sponsors; and demand corrective action, even laws to punish the offenders.
Now most people, who know me, will expect me to come down hard and fast on the side of showing our National Emblem the deference and respect we believe it deserves without fail … ever. And certainly I believe that …
What nags at me however is the thought that Respect for national symbolism – be it The Anthem or The Flag – trumps the Rights of the First Amendment, particularly that of Free Speech. While I do not appreciate disrespectful displays or treatments of The Flag, what I choose to cherish most are the Freedoms that allow such behaviors as an expression of perceived failures or injustices.
Unfortunately for our various sensibilities, Respect for the First Amendment requires a higher level of tolerance for the ways in which our Freedoms are expressed. Accommodating the freedom to express oneself requires an Advanced Degree in American Citizenship, particularly when its display encroaches on the symbols, institutions, and rituals for which we wear our Hearts on our sleeves.
This is not easy. But then again, it was never intended to be easy.
Certainly we can express our scorn and anger at what we interpret to be unconscionable violations of national heritage and symbolism. That freedom to express one’s disdain is covered in the same protections that allow the type of demonstrations that annoy the bejesus out of us.
We can publicly judge those who burn The Flag or choose not to stand for The National Anthem is the best – or only way – they can express their own anger and frustration. But punishment and retribution?!?
No, those reactions are the purview of authoritarians, dictators, and oppressors who look to preserve their own peculiar claim to rule by denying Voice to the People! This is not what Americans do. It is not how we roll!
No matter how maddening the behavior …
Allow me please to reiterate, since I am sure some will take this message as endorsement of the practices. I do NOT agree with flagrant displays of disrespect for my Country, its cherished symbols, or the Principles for which it stands. What I do recognize is that there are degrees of disrespect I can live with, in the knowledge that our Founding Fathers no doubt intended for The Bill of Rights to be a challenge to both the Government and its citizens!
And I have had my moments in celebrating the actions inherent in those who Advanced Degrees in Citizenship spurred them to action!
I applauded – wildly, I might add – the Chicago Cubs’ Rick Monday, when on April 25, 1976 he ran from his outfield position to arrest the flag-burning attempts of two supposed war protesters.
Those of us who would appreciate Mondays’ quick actions should also recognize that demonstrations of national disrespect sometimes accomplish nothing more than to illustrate a protestor’s failure of perspective, particularly when they simply draw negative attention to the person or position they claim to support by physically mistreating or burning The Flag. In my opinion, your cause, your candidate – even the people who support them – will suffer in our view. When they fail to recognize or value the Sacrifices made by others, whose sacrifice allows them to express themselves so freely, they cheapen whatever message they are pushing.
There’s the rub really that protesters of this sort fail to appreciate. You might attract limited, short-lived attention for your cause or position ; but that transient recognition will fade faster than the headshakes and mental “F— you!”s tossed your way by those drawn serendipitously into your protest. For those whom your message is intended, you run the greater risk of alienating them rather than changing minds or opening a discussion.
The story is quite different when it comes to the quiet, almost reverential protests we have witnessed recently at football games … at least in my opinion. These passive demonstrations, inspired by a back-up quarterback no less, where sitting or taking a knee as the National Anthem is played or the slightly more active stance of raised black fists is – if nothing else – much easier to manage emotionally.
We may not like such displays. But we should also wonder why they are considered necessary by those protesting.
I may not understand the need to turn one’s back to The Anthem or to embellish one’s seemingly reluctant participation with a raised fist. But many people do understand the need to take such action. If they did not, we would not be having these conversations today.
And that’s really what that pesky, sometimes irritating Freedom of Speech is intended to do … Give voice to those who feel isolated or left behind, whether or not we can appreciate their position!
So no … Do not ask me to boycott the NFL or Pepsi or Hyundai or Papa John’s pizza simply because your sensibilities were offended by a kneel or a clenched fist at an inappropriate time. Because I have news for you …
The emotions you feel, the reactions you have to such displays are exactly what the Founding Fathers were likely hoping might occur when one group or another feels the need to draw attention to their perceived plight in any way that stirs our emotions. The Stars and Stripes is a collection of fabric to which we attach a great deal of pride and symbolism; but it’s the Fabric of our Nation, expressed in the Freedoms passed down to us, that makes all things possible.
I leave you with this …
On June 27, 2016 the Horsham (Pennsylvania) Township Council held a meeting with residents where the issue of Horsham Water Quality was addressed in a presentation, followed by a period of Q&A. This was the latest in a series of informational meetings specifically addressing perfluorinated compounds PFCs (PFOS/PFOA) in the township water supply as a result of operations at the now-closed NAS-JRB Willow Grove. Previous information sessions were organized and staffed by elements of the U.S. Navy’s Base Review and Closure (BRAC) office, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), and the Horsham Water and Sewage Authority (HWSA).
Of all the points to be made in writing this blog post, it must be recognized that pollution issues existing at the base for decades prior to BRAC are hopelessly entwined with the redevelopment effort. Their impact in the redevelopment effort was anticipated by all parties from the very beginning. The officials responsible for its management, Horsham Township Council, HLRA, and the U.S. Navy have always been up front and transparent, presenting all known information directly to area residents!
For this reason, I have been able to blog about the various complications that hazardous materials and pollutants pose to the community on at least FOUR occasions, marking Horsham’s progress in efforts to control the future of the NAS-JRB.
Regardless of how one feels about the U.S. Navy’s role of environmental indifference since the 1940s at NAS-JRB Willow Grove, the present-day Navy has been proactive, transparent, and honest about what was done on the Base; how it affects the residents of the surrounding communities; and identifying solutions for remediation.
You can find the latest information from the Horsham Water Quality presentation – available on-line. The 38-page Powerpoint slideshow taught me a few new things about PFCs.
Some interesting points:
Of course none of these cute little facts serves to minimize the real health concerns of Horsham’s residents (or Warminster’s or Warrington’s). Those concerns are real; should be researched and studied to determine the potential for effects on human health; and those effects – if any – mitigated with the costs accruing to the U.S. Government.
So what will be the way forward for Horsham’s water quality?
My experiences in following the BRAC/HLRA processes have proven that Township officials and the U.S. Navy have been up-front, practical, and immediately responsive to all issues affecting the community. From making the earliest decisions on an airport; developing a redevelopment plan; and setting in place the organizational infrastructure to move the effort into its next stages. This was no different when the EPA triggered the recent groundswell of public attention by significantly reducing the HAL levels for PFC compounds.
When the original HAL (400 ppt PFOA/200 ppt PFOS) levels were set in July 2014, both the Navy and Horsham Township responded quickly, and two municipal wells that tested above the HAL limit were taken off-line. The same reaction was witnessed this past May when the EPA dropped the safe HAL level by several orders of magnitude. The Navy set out immediately to test suspect wells; and the Township quickly removed HAL-exceeding wells from the municipal water system.
From this point-of-view, the problem of PFC contamination has been fairly easy to manage. Removing offending wells from the municipal water system effectively reduces the level of contaminants in the system. This approach is so effective, Horsham’s current PFC level is 18 parts-per-trillion … or less than one-third the current EPA HAL standard of 70 ppt!
Some suggest that all confidence is lost in the safe-ness of Horsham’s water supply. For me, the experience is quite the contrary. If it’s relatively easy to remove bad-testing wells from the water supply, Horsham’s water supply remains safe insofar as PFCs are concerned. I continue to drink the local water as I did 30 years ago (or more), drinking water right out of hand pumps located on the old Hidden Springs golf course (now Commonwealth National Golf Club)!
However, safe water decisions resides with each township resident! Nothing in my discussion is intended to downplay the seriousness of the issue. My approach here is rooted in a confidence based on the demonstrated reactions by those who manage our Township and its infrastructure – above and below ground.
The long-range view is even more promising water-quality wise. The solution is in the construction of Granular Activated Charcoal (GAC) filters. The filters are large, custom-made, and housed in buildings roughly the size of a garage. The filters are roughly $1 million per copy; and the U.S. Navy has agreed to pick up the costs associated with the construction and installation of the GAC filters!
The Township expects to have all five filters currently needed on-line by years end, resorting to temporary GAC filters while permanently housed filters are manufactured and installed. It’s a solution that is reasonable, practical, and most importantly prompt and decisive!
One of my neighbors plans to invest in something called a reverse osmosis filter. EPA and the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection do not recommend in-home filters as being particularly effective. However, the reverse osmosis system is available with carbon filters which are effective in eliminating PFCs from the home’s water supply.
The most important point to remember however is that regardless of which choices you make in regards to your family’s water quality, none of us would have the information we need to make these choices, if those in charge of the NAS-JRB redevelopment effort were not completely forthcoming and demanding of the U.S. Navy in ensuring Horsham’s quality-of-life is protected!