Lactation Support

There it was one day this past week.  An announcement broadcast via e-mail throughout my federal government organization letting all employees know that one crucial issue – of which many were unaware – had been put to rest.

We now have a Lactation Support Room!

Of course, it wouldn’t be a true Government-run operation without an acronym in which all references could be cloaked. So it became for us the LSR. As in …

“Yo, Marty, we’re hitting Molly Maguires for a few pints after work!”

Marty replies, “Sorry, already got plans. The guys from NMCI are finishing up their ERP cutover prep before their RDO, then we’re going to hang around outside the LSR.”

See what the thought of lactating women can do to the male mind, juvenile playground that it is?

I have no doubt that new mothers can use the privacy and support provided by a quiet place to take care of that motherly call.  No one can criticize conscientious mothers doing what mothers do best.  And I have nothing but good memories of those times when my wife and I were young parents, trying to do what we thought best for the munchkins we brought into the world.  We dealt with the cold realities of the non-lactating world.

OK … I didn’t exactly have to deal with anything, other than manning the breastworks (if needed) and staying out-of-the-way of Lactating Mom. But still …

As I recall, she did alright. There were a lot of details in the process and difficulties of suckling that I’m sure brought a glazed-over look to my eyes.  Afterall, as males, we tend to have an overwhelming singular view of … uh … the ramparts.  And descriptions of this utilitarian dimension to one of our favorite aspects in women’s studies, although titillating on some guilt-ridden level, tends to nip a males’ post-baby-birth over-eagerness in the butt. 

One has to wonder though … How did we – as new parents – get through this new, exciting experience without an LSR?!?  Would we now be considered disadvantaged in our apprehensive, LSR-absent pursuit of healthy offspring?  Can we claim an LSR Deficiency Offset on some future income tax return?  What about mitigation services for our children should they exhibit the symptoms of LSDS (Lactation Support Deficiency Syndrome)?!?     

Then again, I’m just a boob with no hat on that rack.

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