You never know just how vulnerable you are until you are the victim.
Woke up this morning to find my Christmas lights had been almost completely removed. When I called Horsham Police, they sent out a squad car and commenced an investigation. One of the officers confided in me that this has been happening all over Horsham, and they suspect roving bands of Philadelphia Eagles fans originating most likely from the crime-infested Talamore development on the other side of the Township!
It was evident that in addition to removing most of my lights; they added green lights; and promptly smeared Crisco all over the bushed and tree trunks. The helpful police said the Crisco would disperse sufficiently to permit restorative work in about two weeks.
Sounds about right …