An American Hajj

Posted on February 6, 2017 by Mike Shortall

hajj – an honorary title given to an individual who is engaging in pilgrimage. The honorific title “Hajj” stays with him, even after his return from pilgrimage until his death, quite often as a permanent title and part of his name with friends and public.

main-buildings-golden-dome-university-of-notre-dame-library-of-congress-lc-dig-highsm-18705 One weekend this coming September, I will embark on a pilgrimage to the one of the most important sites for American Roman Catholics. No … not St. Patrick’s Cathedral, not the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, not the National Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa … not the Vatican …

I will be attending my first football game in South Bend, Indiana at the University of Notre Dame!

No doubt in some yet-to-be-discovered scroll tucked in a Galilean sea cave resides an ancient admonishment for all Roman Catholic citizens of the United States to make The Pilgrimage of The Fighting Irish at least once in one’s lifetime! I’m sure of it. It must exist … for how else to explain this overpowering physical attraction to The Program???

This is a phenomena with which I grew up in Irish Catholic Philadelphia during the 1960-70s. It’s been a fascinating thing to witness, especially when few – if any – of those adults and children with whom I grew up actually attended Notre Dame! The dedication is real and pervasive to the point where many families and friends set aside at least one weekend each football season to make the annual pilgrimage.

Frankly, an Irish Catholic’s love for Notre Dame football is not all that difficult to decipher as a natural development of growing up in undeniably wholesome and homogenous settings, where The Church was a central and integral part in the lives of our Parents and Grandparents … and thus onto us. It’s a confluence of Sports and Religion unique in its roots, devotion and enduring strength.

Rockne, The Four Horsemen, and friends

It’s origins likely the outgrowth of the rise of collegiate football in the decades preceding the existence of the National Football League (NFL); and the result of The Fighting Irish’s success and broad appeal in the collective conscience of those proud Catholics. While “the greatest generation” – the generation of my father and uncles, Irishmen all – lived its formative years, Notre Dame football was a constant presence.

My father was born in 1919. The years of 1918-1930 were the Knute Rockne years. A twelve-year stretch consisting of FIVE undefeated seasons and SIX where no more than 2 losses were booked by The Fighting Irish! So it’s not hard to see how a generation was immersed in the success and glory of Notre Dame football, even in a time long before football polls, National Championships, and the dreaded BCS.

Unfortunately, the lack of clear-cut test for determining such pressing issues as football supremacy begot arguments that probably sent many an Irish-Americans into Saturday confessionals …

For some reason I was not bitten as severely by the ND football bug as so many were in my extended fraternal family. I like Notre Dame football; enjoy watching; and always pull for them when I catch their broadcasts. But the fanaticism never took complete root.

In my family, I have had uncles and cousins make the pilgrimage as once-in-a-lifetime excursions or as regular visits. I had at least one cousin buried in full Notre Dame regalia. So many funerals and a few weddings had references to The Fighting Irish.

It’s a guy thing … a Catholic thing … a family thing …

A family thing … Brother Pat and his two sons, Joseph and Andrew

Yet despite all that kelly green DNA, I never had the Irish-urge to see Notre Dame play locally or even think about taking the trip out to South Bend.

That changed a few weeks ago, when a close friend suggested we go out to God’s Country with mutual friends, who have made ND football an annual gig. I demurred at first … again not smitten with the ND bug. Then I found out my brother – a true ND football devotee – had decided to join the very same group from his home base on the West Coast.

Though I may not be a Notre Dame football disciple, I am certainly a huge fan of family, friends, fun, and good times.

What better reason could there be to embark on such an American hajj?!?

“Hidden Figures”, unexpected lesson

Posted on February 1, 2017 by Mike Shortall

Your typical Saturday night … a reason to make plans a few days previous with friends for dinner and a movie … so why not combine the two?

That’s how a few hours of entertainment morphed into unexpected perspectives on one of the unnoticed parts of American history and the race into space.

“Hidden Figures“, nominee for Best Picture at the 2017 Oscars, is the story of three African-American women who played important roles in the United States race to get man into space. The movie plays out at the Langley Research Center in Hampton, VA in 1961.

The three women – a mathematical genius (called “computers” long before the electronic versions), an aspiring engineer, and the de facto supervisor of a group of a pool of data transcribers – struggle to gain respect and recognition in the National Aeronautics and Space Administration‘s (NASA) space program in the Jim Crow South.

The twist – both interesting and discomforting – came in the form of WHERE we decided to partake of food and adult beverages while catching a good movie.

Carol had arranged for us to see a movie Saturday night with friends. We decided to try a local franchise of the Studio Movie Grill in Upper Darby, PA .. a township, seamlessly fused to the west side of Philadelphia.

The immediate western suburbs of Philadelphia – like West Philadelphia itself is largely African-American. No surprise that the audience was almost entirely black.

And not a problem …

But it had not occurred to me what would result from the intersection of movie and audience demographics. That realization came shortly after the movie started. We had made a fascinating choice in movie, given the makeup of the audience. It would be an interesting evening, enjoying “Hidden Figures” (a firm recommendation, dear Reader) and noting the differences in perspective.

Perspective was easily observed.

Four African-American women, roughly my age and dressed for a night out, were seated next to me. As the evening war on, between a flatbread pizza and mac ‘n cheese (a firm NO, dear Reader), we watched a great story. While I enjoyed the history of the story, they were connecting with Katherine, Dorothy, and Mary on an entirely different level.

There was a bit of verbal audience participation … encouraging advice, pleas to speak out, silent but deep disgust. I could feel it, but I couldn’t really.

At one point in the film, I laughed when Katherine (Taraji P. Henson) scurried frantically across the Langley campus. Then I realized she was on a one-mile round trip to use a “colored only” ladies room because one wasn’t available in the building to which she had been assigned. I stopped myself short and listened. There was no laughter, only the murmurs of those who grew up knowing such things as intimate history.

I learned what I thought I knew I could never ever really know.

FWIW …. I thought the movie was very good, the story compelling. Although I have only seen Hidden Figures and La La Land (also very good) on the Best Picture nominee list, I would have thought Taraji Henson deserved a nomination. Octavia Spencer was nominated for Best Supporting Actress, and should receive strong consideration.

Bad Santa

Posted on December 23, 2016 by Mike Shortall

bad-santa Christmas is definitely more memorable when your kids are young. We had some fun traditions back then, including a few that might now qualify as “psychological abuse” in 17 states.

The first would occur after attending Christmas Eve Mass.

Our tradition would be to ride around the local area to check out the Christmas lights and displays with the Christmas songs turned up to ‘hood bouncing volume, before heading home and allowing the grandparents to give the boys early Christmas presents.

The boys, feeling the freedom of having the church obligation completed, and knowing full well that grandchild presents awaited, were usually quite patient and relaxed as our search for Lights of Christmas progressed. But after 30 minutes or so, their facade of patience would start to crack.

So I would start heading our old Dodge Grand Caravan towards home.

Of course when the kids recognized the more familiar streets and neighborhoods; they would know we were getting close to Christmas Present Time.

So each time we got really close to our house, I’d go right past the street or turn in the opposite direction, announcing to Mom that here was a house up the road I wanted her to see. If I turned down our street, I would make several loops around the neighborhood, sometimes slowing as we approached the driveway, then going right on past to the accompaniment of much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

By the time we got home, the kids were near emotional wrecks, and Mom and I could hardly keep from laughing out loud.

Our next fond memory of “enhanced interruptive techniques” was experienced on Christmas morning …

Every Christmas one of the kids (usually that Mischievous Middle Child) would bounce onto our bed at 6:30 sharp. We had no illusions that the little termite hadn’t already been downstairs peeking, so we would waited to exact our own little brand of revenge.

After our MMC crowed one Christmas Eve about how early he was going to wake me up, I felt the dawning of a brilliant idea!

That night once the Children were nestled, all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar-plums dance in their heads, I stealthily tied bungee cords from their bedroom doors to the stairway railing across the hall!

(Yes … Four out of five firemen would probably not recommend such a prank, but our house was virtually new back then. Very low risk, trust me!)

That was a fun Christmas morning with Carol and I giggling like sixth-graders as the wails from the MMC’s bedroom went on for roughly 10 minutes. Finally our resourceful little termite pried his door open just enough to squirm his body out his bedroom door. To his credit though, he immediately went downstairs to snoop at what was under the tree before heading back upstairs to free his fellow inmates.

Most Christmases we made the boys wait at the top of the stairs as Mom and I prepped for the morning’s cyclone of torn wrapping paper and discarded bows. We took our grand old time getting our faces ready, usually with one keeping an eye on the inmates while the other was brushing their teeth.

Then I would head downstairs for the Official Opening Ceremony.

You may think I’m kidding, but that’s exactly what it was!

I would prattle around for 20 minutes, getting the coffee going; lighting the tree; fiddling with the old shoulder-held VHS recorder; and putting the dog out for her morning constitutional. All the while the kids are pleading, “Dad, hurry up!”

Which of course that just made me move a little slower.

Finally, I would have everything ready, the VHS recorder in position; and the kids would start creeping down the steps. And then I would launch into my Christmas Morning Speech …

It was usually a thing of beauty. Like a condensed senatorial filibuster …

“Mom, he’s doing this on purpose!”

I would set the stage for the day’s event and provide the viewers with an elaborate description of the tree, the number of presents (with a few “Oohs” and “Ahhs” thrown in to turn the screws a little tighter), that day’s participants (by now the boys were pleading with their mother to shut me down), and then a lengthy description of the weather.

Once the wailing had subsided, I would end my speech with a “Merry Christmas to all!”; and the boys anticipation would be at peek levels …

Then I’d say, “Dammit, somethings wrong with the camera/tree/coffee maker.”

The cacophony of wails was both heart rendering and side-splitting funny.

Now for those who might think such acts qualify me for The Grinch that Stole Christmas, let me assure you that these stories are repeated year-after-year during our holidays together. Like it or not, like me or not … They are a small – but funny – part of our family’s Holiday tradition!

Merry Christmas to all, and make sure you can get out that door before you Sugar-Plum Dance!

Christmas Tree Wars

Posted on December 5, 2016 by Mike Shortall

Yes, reader … It’s that time of the year once again!

Cranky Man's Lawn

“So, how do you guys make sure … ?”

Those words were a precursor to a Christmas experience I had yet to have the “pleasure” of experiencing. By the time I finished that sentence, I was having one of those little voice-in-the-back-of-the-head premonitions of impending Yuletide Aggravation.

We were Christmas tree shopping two weekends before the holiday. And we had found a suitable tree …

A suitable tree is a) alive, b) reasonably full and bushy, and c) fixable in places where it’s not reasonably full and bushy.
After looking at the first 45 trees, I usually remind my spousal unit that the tree doesn’t have to be “perfect”, which always gets me that “Thank you, Captain Obvious!” tilt-headed glare … which of course I live for!
As is the customary belief of REAL Christmas tree aficionados, Artificial Trees are reserved for soul-less, Just-Add-Water, Communists.
Fidel Castro extolling the perfect alignment of artificial Communist Christmas trees.

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Experience the Couples Massage!

Posted on October 20, 2016 by Mike Shortall

Not us pictured … Divorce might result if it was!

Hope you enjoy this very carefully, very tastefully written review of our first couples massage experience. Hopefully I will not end up sleeping on the couch … again, when the incredibly lovely Carol stumbles across this post and discovers I shared an semi-intimate moment solely as a way to promote tourism to the Dominican Republic.

OK … and for the laughs.

As I see it … at my age … any day that starts off in a pool with a naked female is a Very, Very Good Day!

When it comes to the massage, one must acknowledge that the ability to render a proper massage is an Art! The techniques are to be admired and enjoyed, but require training and experience. Although many an intimate couple will play at the Art of Massage, without the proper knowledge and experience, the massage is just a means to an end.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that ….

I will be the first to admit my skills at massage never advanced beyond the clumsy basics. After this experience while in Punta Cana, I can honestly state that I had no idea just how inexperienced I was.

The Couples Massage package was an extra to the all-inclusive concept at Barceló Bávaro Beach. But it’s worth every penny! The spa is located within the Palace Deluxe Hotel complex. and is accessible at any time by Premium Club members. Besides the quiet, fragrant massage rooms, the spa includes a large outdoor pool and jacuzzi, indoor jacuzzi and small pool, but no drink service. (You can bring in adult libations if you so desire.)

The experience begins in the gender-specific locker rooms where one can shed all the decorative physical trappings of modest society … at least on the female side. The men however were encouraged to keep their swimsuits or shorts on …

Bummer … Completely understandable, I guess … Still a bummer …

car-dominicanrepublic-puntacana-barcelobavaropalacedeluxe

Draperies are closed to enhance the romantic mood, and were opened only after the massage was completed.

Once ensconced in a fluffy terry cloth robe, Carol and I met up in the couples suite. Quiet, dimly lit by candles, with a romantic arrangement of towels in the shape of a heart and two obviously smitten terrycloth swans, richly appointed with fragrant flower petals. The atmosphere exudes everything you need to slowly slip into a coma of complete relaxation.

What caught me off guard was finding Carol sans ALL Decorative Trappings of Modest Society, while I was still in a swimsuit. WTF?!?

But I guess the presence of two female masseuse explains the discrimination to which I was unexposed. Not that I’m complaining … At least one of us was completely stripped of all Decorative Trappings of Modest Society!

Even funnier was the experience of the male-half of the couple who accompanied us to the DR. He was instructed to shed his swimwear and sling his … uh … male-hood in the proverbial “banana hammock”!

When I heard this, I was much relieved that I was not required to don The Hammock! Otherwise Carol would have been laughing throughout the entire massage!

The massage itself starts with an exfoliation, cleaning and massage of the lower legs and feet while reclining peacefully and blindfolded, which simply makes the experience a bit more mysteriously unsettling.

“What the heck is she doing? What’s that stuff?? Oh, that’s nice …”

Next comes the main massage event, complete with security-inducing sheet and coverlet on the traditional massage table. It was during this transition that I noticed Carol and I were differently dressed.

Have I mentioned that already???

To make a long post shorter, I will not go into a detailed playback of the massage itself. Rest assured it was expertly applied and deeply relaxing. This being my first professional massage experience, I can say without reservation that the good masseur at Barceló know what they are doing!

champagnesetup02 Once the experts were done, the drapes to our private couples room were thrown open to reveal a small pool set off in an equally private walled-off courtyard. And when we slipped out the door, we were surprised by the presence of two lounge chairs, a bottle of champagne and two glasses!

As one masseuse bid us farewell and drew closed the drapery, she made a very clear pronouncement, “I will be back in 20 minutes!”

That’s when the light went on!

Hmmmm … Carol still au naturel … champagne … massage oils … a pool and complete privacy … for 20 minutes!?!

Well, I appreciated the optimism, especially as to my personal stamina, but that maneuver would have been a bridge too far. We did however enjoy the personal intimacy of being secluded in an extremely relaxed state in a very cold pool, and enough bubbly to liberate one’s inhibitions.

But that water might have been a bit too cold …

As it turned out, it was one of the best days of the vacation. The couples massage is definitely worth the price of admission, assuming of course you get a masseuse who knows what they’re doing!

For me … I hit the daily Double the next day with ANOTHER naked female in the pool. But it was a dolphin …

Travel: Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Posted on October 17, 2016 by Mike Shortall

dominican-republic-fact-fil-578x298 I am not much the world traveler. When the kids were young, all our vacations were Domestically oriented. It was simpler, more affordable, easier to manage with kiddies.

That will hopefully change a bit now that Carol and I are entering (almost) Empty Nest Syndrome. My better half has the leg up so far, enjoying several south-of-the-border vacations with a friend. But if they are having this much fun, I may smarten up and start following her around more.

For our 30th anniversary (October 2015) we promised ourselves a nice tropical trip; and finally decided to book an Apple Vacation to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic with another couple with whom we have vacationed with the last few years. For me, it’s been awhile that I hit the Jamaican beaches on our honeymoon.

A long time ago … in a land far, far away …

We left in late September, returning in the first week of October. More on that experience and our closer-than-comfortable proximity to Matthew later.

Being a neophyte at international vacationing, I prefer Simple over Elaborate; so chosing an All-Inclusive route fits my emergent needs perfectly. Our choice was Barceló Bavarro Beach, an adults only all-inclusive situated within a larger, free-range resort complete with family oriented and other less-inclusive … I assume … options.

dominican-republic-barcelo-hotels-beach54-8953

Barcelo Bavaro Beach, Punta Cana

To rate the experience as one of our Best Vacations Ever is no overstatement!

The Barceló Group is a family owned Spanish tourism company founded over 85 years ago. Employing 23,000 people at 100 hotels in 19 countries and 685 travel agencies in 22 nations, they really have their act together! Despite that I had never heard of them before last week. Now they top the list as my favorite international resort. (Yes, as mentioned, it’s a small sample size.)

The accommodations were very good, given the great idea to upgrade our package to the Premium Club, that – among other benefits – gave us an ocean-front view. The upgrade allowed for dinner at all the resort’s restaurants; provided discounts on excursions; and access to other limited-access amenities.

The resort staff were nothing if not exceptionally friendly and obliging. The resort was spotless and comfortably appointed. The adult beverage stations were convenient; the service friendly, generous, and – most times – quick.

View outside our room

The food was good, not great; although the resort’s best restaurants (Kyoto Japanese, La Comidie French) made for memorable meal experiences. Skip México Lindo and the Sante Fe Steakhouse establishments. The El Coral Restaurant (seafood) and La Dolcé Vita (Italian) were also very good. We heard Le Fuente (Spanish menu) was excellent, but we missed that one.

The breakfast and lunch buffets were good, clean, and nourishing. But you know buffets … Timing is everything! Almost everywhere the meal wait staff was friendly and attentive.

Yet … It was a trip we almost did not make.

Attempt #1 … Scheduled for June originally, we had to push the trip back a few months due to one of our – ahem – less youthful companions ripping a vital tendon while playing power forward with “less experienced” individuals.

Attempt #2 … Scheduled for the very end of September through the first week in October (“That’s hurricane season, ya know.”, I helpfully added at the time.) drew near just as Category 1 (soon-to-be-a-4 ) Hurricane Matthew drew near to the southern Caribbean. The night before the scheduled participants (all with intact tendons) debated the Probabilities, Possible Outcomes, and Risks until eventually concluding we all really, really needed many fruity drinks in a clothing-minimizing locale and “To Hell with …” caution. (And it was going to cost too much to change!)

That evening Matthew passed to the south of the D.R., then spent a few days nagging the northern coast of South America … and growing in strength before heading north. Much more fortunately for us than the good people of Jamaica, Haiti, and Cuba, Matthew threw us nothing more than a day and a half of rain. It was not even enough to keep us from doing what activities we had already scheduled.

Carol & I … pre-drowning attempt on snorkeling/booze cruise

The excursions and packages we took advantage of were …

Snorkeling & Booze Cruise (A+ … Look for a separate blog post later.)
Dolphin Discovery (A)
Couples Massage (A+++ … Will touch on this also at great personal risk.)

Of course, one does not need the expensive (but honestly well worth the price) excursions to have an entertaining time! Barceló Punta Cana has much to offer without leaving the friendly confines of the resort. There’s golf, a casino, a discotheque, a bowling alley, miniature golf, water parks for both young children and adults, several live show venues and offerings (Most of these were a bit corny and amateurish.), Dolphin Island (We chose to go off-campus for our experience.), tons of shopping opportunities, a sports bar, and daily activities on the beach and in the pools.

The beach itself is a beautiful spot, yet we only spent parts of two days there. Most of our resort “downtime” was spent in the pools, fountains, and walk-up/swim-up bars. There is plenty of shaded areas for the sun-adverse, like me. You really cannot beat the quiet relaxation of the pools on the adult-only side of the resort. And if you want more noise while enjoying the refreshing waters, head over to Barceló Palace, the center of the resort, where most of the action takes place, including the swim-up pool bar!

In my humble, inexperienced opinion, you would really have to struggle to not have a grand time at Barceló Punta Cana!

Pool at Barcelo Bavarro Beach

The First Amendment: A Double-Edged Sword

Posted on September 20, 2016 by Mike Shortall

It’s been awhile since last we spoke. Personally, I have been having a hard time finding subjects on which I feel strongly enough to write. My writer’s block has however been finally been broken by a flood of Facebook posts deriding the recent trend of National Football League (NFL) players refusing to stand; kneeling through; or raising black fists in protest of varying social conditions during The National Anthem.

The Facebook pleas encourage me to stop watching the NFL; to boycott league-sponsored merchandise and broadcast sponsors; and demand corrective action, even laws to punish the offenders.

Now most people, who know me, will expect me to come down hard and fast on the side of showing our National Emblem the deference and respect we believe it deserves without fail … ever. And certainly I believe that …

What nags at me however is the thought that Respect for national symbolism – be it The Anthem or The Flag – trumps the Rights of the First Amendment, particularly that of Free Speech. While I do not appreciate disrespectful displays or treatments of The Flag, what I choose to cherish most are the Freedoms that allow such behaviors as an expression of perceived failures or injustices.

Unfortunately for our various sensibilities, Respect for the First Amendment requires a higher level of tolerance for the ways in which our Freedoms are expressed. Accommodating the freedom to express oneself requires an Advanced Degree in American Citizenship, particularly when its display encroaches on the symbols, institutions, and rituals for which we wear our Hearts on our sleeves.

This is not easy. But then again, it was never intended to be easy.

Certainly we can express our scorn and anger at what we interpret to be unconscionable violations of national heritage and symbolism. That freedom to express one’s disdain is covered in the same protections that allow the type of demonstrations that annoy the bejesus out of us.

We can publicly judge those who burn The Flag or choose not to stand for The National Anthem is the best – or only way – they can express their own anger and frustration. But punishment and retribution?!?

No, those reactions are the purview of authoritarians, dictators, and oppressors who look to preserve their own peculiar claim to rule by denying Voice to the People! This is not what Americans do. It is not how we roll!

No matter how maddening the behavior …

Allow me please to reiterate, since I am sure some will take this message as endorsement of the practices. I do NOT agree with flagrant displays of disrespect for my Country, its cherished symbols, or the Principles for which it stands. What I do recognize is that there are degrees of disrespect I can live with, in the knowledge that our Founding Fathers no doubt intended for The Bill of Rights to be a challenge to both the Government and its citizens!

And I have had my moments in celebrating the actions inherent in those who Advanced Degrees in Citizenship spurred them to action!

I applauded – wildly, I might add – the Chicago Cubs’ Rick Monday, when on April 25, 1976 he ran from his outfield position to arrest the flag-burning attempts of two supposed war protesters.

Those of us who would appreciate Mondays’ quick actions should also recognize that demonstrations of national disrespect sometimes accomplish nothing more than to illustrate a protestor’s failure of perspective, particularly when they simply draw negative attention to the person or position they claim to support by physically mistreating or burning The Flag. In my opinion, your cause, your candidate – even the people who support them – will suffer in our view. When they fail to recognize or value the Sacrifices made by others, whose sacrifice allows them to express themselves so freely, they cheapen whatever message they are pushing.

There’s the rub really that protesters of this sort fail to appreciate. You might attract limited, short-lived attention for your cause or position ; but that transient recognition will fade faster than the headshakes and mental “F— you!”s tossed your way by those drawn serendipitously into your protest. For those whom your message is intended, you run the greater risk of alienating them rather than changing minds or opening a discussion.

The story is quite different when it comes to the quiet, almost reverential protests we have witnessed recently at football games … at least in my opinion. These passive demonstrations, inspired by a back-up quarterback no less, where sitting or taking a knee as the National Anthem is played or the slightly more active stance of raised black fists is – if nothing else – much easier to manage emotionally.

We may not like such displays. But we should also wonder why they are considered necessary by those protesting.

I may not understand the need to turn one’s back to The Anthem or to embellish one’s seemingly reluctant participation with a raised fist. But many people do understand the need to take such action. If they did not, we would not be having these conversations today.

And that’s really what that pesky, sometimes irritating Freedom of Speech is intended to do … Give voice to those who feel isolated or left behind, whether or not we can appreciate their position!

So no … Do not ask me to boycott the NFL or Pepsi or Hyundai or Papa John’s pizza simply because your sensibilities were offended by a kneel or a clenched fist at an inappropriate time. Because I have news for you …

The emotions you feel, the reactions you have to such displays are exactly what the Founding Fathers were likely hoping might occur when one group or another feels the need to draw attention to their perceived plight in any way that stirs our emotions. The Stars and Stripes is a collection of fabric to which we attach a great deal of pride and symbolism; but it’s the Fabric of our Nation, expressed in the Freedoms passed down to us, that makes all things possible.

I leave you with this …

Horsham’s Water: The Way Forward

Posted on July 6, 2016 by Mike Shortall

Horsham residents listen at June 27 Council meeting on water quality. (Bucks Courier Times)

On June 27, 2016 the Horsham (Pennsylvania) Township Council held a meeting with residents where the issue of Horsham Water Quality was addressed in a presentation, followed by a period of Q&A. This was the latest in a series of informational meetings specifically addressing perfluorinated compounds PFCs (PFOS/PFOA) in the township water supply as a result of operations at the now-closed NAS-JRB Willow Grove. Previous information sessions were organized and staffed by elements of the U.S. Navy’s Base Review and Closure (BRAC) office, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), and the Horsham Water and Sewage Authority (HWSA).

Of all the points to be made in writing this blog post, it must be recognized that pollution issues existing at the base for decades prior to BRAC are hopelessly entwined with the redevelopment effort. Their impact in the redevelopment effort was anticipated by all parties from the very beginning. The officials responsible for its management, Horsham Township Council, HLRA, and the U.S. Navy have always been up front and transparent, presenting all known information directly to area residents!

For this reason, I have been able to blog about the various complications that hazardous materials and pollutants pose to the community on at least FOUR occasions, marking Horsham’s progress in efforts to control the future of the NAS-JRB.

Horsham’s Big Wait, status of the airbase redevelopment (April 2013)
A Look at the NAS-JRB Willow Grove Environmental Impact Statement (February 2014)
Water Contaminants and NAS-JRB Willow Grove (December 2014)
Playing Politics with Horsham’s Water (October 2015)

images-2 Regardless of how one feels about the U.S. Navy’s role of environmental indifference since the 1940s at NAS-JRB Willow Grove, the present-day Navy has been proactive, transparent, and honest about what was done on the Base; how it affects the residents of the surrounding communities; and identifying solutions for remediation.

You can find the latest information from the Horsham Water Quality presentation – available on-line. The 38-page Powerpoint slideshow taught me a few new things about PFCs.

Some interesting points:

Just two months ago, the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) drastically lowered its PFC Health Advisory Level (HAL) from a high of 400 parts-per-trillion (ppt) for PFOA and 200 ppt for PFOS to 70 ppt.
PFCs are a National and International problem, with wide-ranging allowable levels for the substances’ projected effects on humans outside the U.S. For example, in comparison to the current EPA standard (70 ppt), Canada allows 600 ppt for PFOS/200 ppt for PFOA; Germany and Great Britain allow 300 ppt for both substances. (This illustrates the largely unsettled science on PFCs and their potential health impacts.)
98% of people tested around the globe have tested positive for PFCs.
One part-per-trillion (ppt) equals one drop of liquid to 20 Olympic-sized swimming pools. The recently revised EPA HAL at 70 ppt would allow 70 drops of liquid over those 20 Olympic-sized pools!
Most PFC applications were phased out of production in 2015.

Of course none of these cute little facts serves to minimize the real health concerns of Horsham’s residents (or Warminster’s or Warrington’s). Those concerns are real; should be researched and studied to determine the potential for effects on human health; and those effects – if any – mitigated with the costs accruing to the U.S. Government.

So what will be the way forward for Horsham’s water quality?

epa My experiences in following the BRAC/HLRA processes have proven that Township officials and the U.S. Navy have been up-front, practical, and immediately responsive to all issues affecting the community. From making the earliest decisions on an airport; developing a redevelopment plan; and setting in place the organizational infrastructure to move the effort into its next stages. This was no different when the EPA triggered the recent groundswell of public attention by significantly reducing the HAL levels for PFC compounds.

When the original HAL (400 ppt PFOA/200 ppt PFOS) levels were set in July 2014, both the Navy and Horsham Township responded quickly, and two municipal wells that tested above the HAL limit were taken off-line. The same reaction was witnessed this past May when the EPA dropped the safe HAL level by several orders of magnitude. The Navy set out immediately to test suspect wells; and the Township quickly removed HAL-exceeding wells from the municipal water system.

From this point-of-view, the problem of PFC contamination has been fairly easy to manage. Removing offending wells from the municipal water system effectively reduces the level of contaminants in the system. This approach is so effective, Horsham’s current PFC level is 18 parts-per-trillion … or less than one-third the current EPA HAL standard of 70 ppt!

Some suggest that all confidence is lost in the safe-ness of Horsham’s water supply. For me, the experience is quite the contrary. If it’s relatively easy to remove bad-testing wells from the water supply, Horsham’s water supply remains safe insofar as PFCs are concerned. I continue to drink the local water as I did 30 years ago (or more), drinking water right out of hand pumps located on the old Hidden Springs golf course (now Commonwealth National Golf Club)!

However, safe water decisions resides with each township resident! Nothing in my discussion is intended to downplay the seriousness of the issue. My approach here is rooted in a confidence based on the demonstrated reactions by those who manage our Township and its infrastructure – above and below ground.

Granular Activated Carbon Filter

The long-range view is even more promising water-quality wise. The solution is in the construction of Granular Activated Charcoal (GAC) filters. The filters are large, custom-made, and housed in buildings roughly the size of a garage. The filters are roughly $1 million per copy; and the U.S. Navy has agreed to pick up the costs associated with the construction and installation of the GAC filters!

The Township expects to have all five filters currently needed on-line by years end, resorting to temporary GAC filters while permanently housed filters are manufactured and installed. It’s a solution that is reasonable, practical, and most importantly prompt and decisive!

One of my neighbors plans to invest in something called a reverse osmosis filter. EPA and the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection do not recommend in-home filters as being particularly effective. However, the reverse osmosis system is available with carbon filters which are effective in eliminating PFCs from the home’s water supply.

The most important point to remember however is that regardless of which choices you make in regards to your family’s water quality, none of us would have the information we need to make these choices, if those in charge of the NAS-JRB redevelopment effort were not completely forthcoming and demanding of the U.S. Navy in ensuring Horsham’s quality-of-life is protected!

Cranky Man’s 5 Stages of the Gym Mourning

Posted on June 21, 2016 by Mike Shortall

‘Tis annoying when one goes to the gym or “fitness center” and encounters those “lunks”, as hopeless gym rats are derisively described by such authority figures as Planet Fitness. Face it, some people were born to spend copious amounts of time in the gym. They actually look forward to it! Enjoy the hard work and sweaty toil … the Pain needed to make the Gains … the form-fitting workout gear only the lunky or curvaceous gym apostle can wear.

Bastards …

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For the rest of us – which I would venture is the most of us – going to the gym is three rungs above a Dental appointment and one rung below dinner with the In-Laws. A sad – but honest – admission …

As for me, I go through my own personal 5 Stages of Gym Mourning just to get out of bed and through a workout. Similar to the more infamous 5 Stages of Grief, the stages to my gym morning are saturated in emotion and the desire to hide from painful Truth. A sense of Loss lays the foundation for both. In the case of anti-gym types like me, it is the Loss of Youth, the Loss of Leisurely Morning Routine, the potential Loss of Health, the Loss of Body Form and Image, the Loss of Laissez Faire Eating Habits, the Loss of Hair …

Need I go further …?

No one likes the pretty gym people … except other pretty gym people.

After all to morning anti-gym rats, “grief” fairly accurately describes the process of hauling our sleepy bodies from our warm beds for the purposes of strapping ourselves to Machines of Torture! For me, that’s 2-3 mornings a week depending on Mood, Physical Health, Weather, or if I absolutely have to fit into those pants I bought when I was oh-so-proud about recent weight-loss. There are few things more demoralizing than your Significant Other perusing your chosen evening wear and saying, “Those pants have gotten a little tight there, chubby.”

So for all those reasons, I subject myself to the following Cranky Man 5 Stages of Gym Mourning pre-workout routine …

0515 hours … “What is that incessant noise?!? Who the hell set the alarm clock on a Saturday?!? This is freakin’ ridiculous!”

“OMG … It’s only Thursday. You have got to be kidding me! There’s no way I’m getting up this early. This is stupid! Who does this every morning??? Son-of-a ….”

ANGER … is always the first response.

0524 hours … The alarm again … “Oh c’mon … I can’t do this. This is inhuman!”

“No, you have to do this. You can do this!” And rounds of BARGAINING begin.

“OK … If I go today, then I don’t have to go tomorrow. Tomorrow’s Friday … You can sleep all the way to 0630 tomorrow if you just go to the gym today.”

“No … No way! This is stupid!”

“Now, now … Listen! There’s a half-gallon of Breyer’s Ice Cream in the freezer, Slick. Go to the gym today and maybe – if you’re good all day long – you can have low-guilt ice cream tonight!”

“OK … OK … OK … I’m getting up!”

(Now of course such a thing as “low-guilt ice cream” is impossible, as any reluctant prisoner of the Healthy Gym Workout cycle can tell you!)

gym-rat+treadmill+wheel A Bargain will eventually be reached. And you will drag yourself from that warm bed … unless the Bargain was reduced to sleeping in today for “guilt-filled ice cream” and a workout tomorrow.

The majority of those who go the gym, do so because they can eat whatever they want with little in the way of Rationalization. That and a lighter load of Bad Food Guilt is as good as any endorphin buzz a workout can give the reluctant gym denizen!

ACCEPTANCE is usually the easiest phase to live through. By this time, I have dragged my weary body from my soft, warm bed … one appendage at a time; pushed myself squint-eyed through the morning bathroom routine, bouts of resolve-strengthening mental cheerleading, and perhaps a few additional rounds of Bargaining. Then, once prepped in my gym-enduring workout clothes, primed for another day of attempting to fool Mother Nature, I resolutely head out the door.

Truth is the warm months of Summer make the Acceptance process all the easier. Being able to roll out of bed and head off to the gym in the same clothes I wore to bed the night before makes all the difference in the world. I can do everything up to climbing into the car with my eyes still barely open!

The biggest difference from the more well-known 5 Stages of Grief is the feeling of ACCOMPLISHMENT one gets from completing a strenuous, exhausting, and sweat-filled workout. Let’s face it … The biggest reason many of us hit the gym is that feeling of doing something entirely for yourself. Improving your health; increasing your Stamina; sharpening your Focus … blah blah blah …

I don’t really look older when you work out. I just feel older … a lot older.

Yes, it’s a good feeling … That lasts all of 20 minutes until you realize you have to repeat the process in a few days ….

Forever and Ever and Ever!

That’s the realization that sends this Cranky Man into the final stage of his 5 Stages of the Gym Mourning …

DEPRESSION!

Ali is down!! Ali is down!!

Posted on June 4, 2016 by Mike Shortall

My look back at the Ali-Frazier rivalry. Ali was a polarizing figure back in the late ’60s-early ’70s. I didn’t agree with him on much, but learned to respect his point-of-view on race and the Vietnam war.
In any case, there is no denying his athletic talent.

Cranky Man's Lawn

It’s funny how some events seem to stand out more brightly in the vast warehouse of memories we carry around. It was forty – yes 40! – years ago today that the classic Muhammad Ali-Joe Frazier heavyweight championship fight took place at Madison Square Garden. They haven’t made heavyweight matchups like this since … well, since then.

I was not a big boxing fan as a kid, which makes that fact that the Ali-Frazier fight stands out in the memory all the more interesting. I believe it has more to do with the political/social climate back in 1971, my awakening – if you will – to the important events going on around me, and with the development of a 15-year-old’s social conscience as I sorted through and examined my own set of values, beliefs, and judgements.

I can remember a fellow Immaculate Conception (Germantown, Philadelphia) classmate, Timothy Cantwell (another weirdly clear memory) trying to get me interested in the Cassius Clay-Sonny Liston fight in 1964. At the time…

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