Enjoy a little Christmas in July with me and my fellow Federal civil servants with this twist on an ageless classic.
‘Twas the Night before Furlough
Concept and execution if not the actual words
by Barack H. Obama
Santa Jack Lew with furloughs for you!
‘Twas the night before Furlough
And all through The White House,
Not a creature was stirring,
Barack had Droned the last Mouse!
Congress was nestled all snug with The Fed
While visions of Mid-Terms danced in their heads.
With Michelle in her kerchief and POTUS in his cap,
The First Couple was hankerin’ for a Hawaiian recess.
When on the South Lawn there arose such a clatter,
Barack leapt from his bed to see what was the matter!
Away to the window he stumbled and crashed,
Tore open the shutters, “Get me a ‘Publican to lash!”
Then towards him on the breast of Taxpayer Dough,
Came Chief-of-Staff Lew, the House Liaison in tow.
And what to befuddled POTUS appeared
Was the Promise of what all Liberals hold dear!
The conspiring driver, so witty and quick,
Had come with an idea to surely do the trick!
More rapid than pirates on good winds of trade,
Jack Lew had found the secret for more Treasury raids!
Leadership? Plenty of butts instead …
“Now Nancy! Now Harry! Wake Biden up too!”
“On Fienstein and Boxer!” clammored The Lew.
“Grab Van Hollen and Stoyer and Allyson Schwartz!
We know how to get those ‘Publicans by the shorts!”
“Sequester”, Lew cried, “is how we’ll get what we want!
Higher debt, more money, no need for any cuts!
They would never let it happen, and we won’t cut a dime!
The ‘Publicans will fold handily. They do all the time!”
Then amid all the whooping, the hollering, the yells
Someone asked, “What happens if it freezes in Hell?”
“Don’t worry about that. Our Gambit is sound.
We’ll make the ‘Publicans bad guys. Make it painful as well.”
But The Voice was persistent, an answer was needed.
What of sequestration, if the goal goes unheeded?
Of workers, fixed incomes, and services rendered,
What if the ‘Publicans didn’t surrender?
The Democrats turned on that Voice with wild looks.
Who dare throw a wrench in their Debt Ceiling hook?
Joe Taxpayer had wakened in the midst of the hoopla,
Was asking who’d suffer should The Plan prove a faux pas?
‘Twas The President’s turn to show that he cared
For those who paid taxes and relied on their share
For their services rendered, and the wages they need
For mortgages, tuition, that new Healthcare decree!
The grip of a golf club was light in Barack’s hand
Like the fate of the Middle Class throughout The Land.
He had a kind face and whispered so sweetly,
“Let us worry of that, we’re The Power Elitely!”
The grip of a golf club was tight in his hand …
(From http://www.golf365.com)
He was chummy and glib, quite full of himself
So Joe Voter shrugged off the misgivings he felt.
The Democrat leaders returned to their caucus,
Plotting and planning how to best drain the coffers.
In the end their Big Gamble, it soon fell apart.
Their opponents, the ‘Publicans refused to impart
Higher taxes without spending restraint and responsibility
Towards an Economy renown for its fragile instability.
Joe Taxpayer saw this, and wondered aloud
“The Gambit was futile, so let’s kick this around.
The budget’s important! The worst case is here!
You can’t stand on principle, and at taxpayers sneer!”
But the Democrats were nothing if not committed
To getting what they wanted without being fitted
With ceilings and limits to what they could spend
Even if it was Taxpayers who suffered in the end.
“We need them to suffer, to really feel hurt
From silly cuts in Park services to the pay for their work!
So process those furloughs! Don’t spare them any Pain!”
The POTUS was certain their pain was his Gain.
So as Barack headed off on another vacation,
He climbed up the steps of his tax-paid ‘portation.
And we heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight
“Happy furloughs to all! Thanks for paying The Price!”
Cranky Man's Lawn 
This is what makes this country so great that we have the right to our opinion and the right to express that said option in a public forum without the threat of censorship. Another reason to never forget that we live in the greatest country in the world. God Bless America!
On a side note its great to have a dictionary app on the phone so I can learn the differences between ” extorting” and “exhorting” !
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Yeah … That and the right to reply in kind!
I believe it important to know whether you are extorting or exhorting. Of course I do understand the Liberal focus on extorting people who work for a living.
I often exhort people to resist extorting; but I would never extort someone just for exercising their right to exhort those who are resisting the constant extorting of the Working Middle Class!
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A Nice diatribe from a government mosquito sucking the money from employees like me that actually contribute to the real economy. Mike, you’ve been insulated for so long now you’re finally feeling the same pain as the rest of the working folks. Poor baby. Btw it’s the publicans pushing the austerity. They did a good job making sure it wouldn’t be undone. Suck it up or get a better job. America is the land of opportunity so stop extorting and above all stop whining.
Can’t wait to talk this over with you more soon
Horsham Rob
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Dear Rob:
I’m sure those who I was “extorting” (sic) will be glad to know they do nothing to contribute to “the real economy” … like paying mortgages, buying food, contributing to the tax base, purchasing durable goods, etc. etc., unlike all those dregs you Liberals like to put up for more and more freebies that get Liberals elected and are paid for by said “working folks”!
Such is the typical Liberal mindset.
You so obviously missed the point of this post, which was to remind all those Federal employees …
(Please note the word “employees” as opposed to the term “wards of the State” or the more commonly known “government dependents”. The key difference being the actual exchange of services for a paycheck!)
… that – and I KNOW you Liberals hate to hear this truth – it was the Obama Administration that created the Sequestration gamble when they wanted an increase to the Federal Debt Limit in 2011. And what a gamble it was!
The President not only GAMBLED with the Budget and the Deficit. He GAMBLED with National and Homeland Security. He GAMBLED with Military Training, including the ability of pilots to fly training missions. He GAMBLED with a fragile Economy, the effects of which we may not know for months after the Sequestration ends. He GAMBLED with progress in Medical Research (National Institute of Health). He gambled with the welfare of children (cuts to Head Start). Etc., etc. etc. …
It’s no stretch of the imagination to lay all these things at President Obama’s feet, because ultimately it was his gamble that Congressional Republicans would be forced to “fold their tent” politically instead of digging in an insisting on cuts instead of more taxes since The White House got its way on the Fiscal Cliff deal.
You can try to blame the Republicans for not playing the losing hand in the subsequent budget negotiations. But you can’t run away from the FACT that the GAMBLE itself was the creation of President Obama’s Administration!
Leaders make decisions, negotiate, and find compromise (e.g. Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush). They don’t GAMBLE! It’s the difference between making tough decisions in the moment instead of punting in the hope that the political climate might make the hand your holding stronger in the future. Sometimes when you gamble, you lose!
And that FACT has to sting … a lot!
The real ones who were EXTORTED by the Liberals in Washington were us Taxpayers. The people I was EXHORTING were people who actually work for their Federal checks, instead of sitting around waiting for the 1st of the month.
As always, nice chatting.
– Mike
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