Bella Vista GC: Where “Relaxing Golf” is an Oxymoron

We have been playing golf for over 30 years, some even longer.  We enjoy and respect The Game.  We love the fresh air and exercise.  We love The Game.  We are considerate and observant of golf’s expectations for efficient play and the condition the the courses we play.

What course would not want us as patrons willing to play and pay?

We have had our bad experiences, usually at the hand of golfers who are not quite so mindful or considerate.  From those experiences, our appreciation for The Game and the correct way to play it has grown.  Ultimately though, our pleasure in playing Golf comes from the enjoyment of playing with good friends on quality golf courses on beautiful days!

However, if you can identify with the pleasures of the game described above, you may want to avoid Bella Vista Golf Club in Gilbertsville, PA!

For my foursome Bella Vista has become a golf course to avoid. The golf course’s current management has completely ruined a very good thing.  And for what?  A customer service approach that emphasizes speed of play over the Enjoyment of Golf!

Don’t rush Tony S. on a golf course!

The Big Aha:  What we did learn was a valuable lesson about the abuses of golf course GPS technology that would make Tony Soprano blanche.  The cart-mounted units allow Big Brother to micro-manage golfers like a incentives-crazed production line supervisor.

Our Experience:  Teeing off at 0824 on a beautiful June morning, we settled in to enjoy a relaxing day on the golf course.

After some early struggles, our round settled in to a nice rhythm. We were playing our round at a pace not unheard of for a Saturday morning in June.  At least in our opinion …

Being well-experienced golfers, we are always mindful of those playing behind us and the drag it can be when waiting around to hit your next shot.  But forcing players – to the point of confrontation – to maintain sight of the group ahead can be subjective and unfair, since several factors can magnify any gaps between foursomes.

On this Saturday, we can claim that at no time were the golfers playing immediately behind us ever standing around and waiting to play a shot.  In fact, when going over the incredible developments of that day, we could not even remember seeing the trailing foursome after the 2nd or 3rd hole.  Only on the 10th tee did we delay our play in the name of Bloody Marys and hotdogs!

Napoleon could marshall at Bella Vista GC

Somewhere around the 5th or 6th hole a wandering Course Ranger (Let’s call him Todd.) approached us and advised that we had a hole-and-a-half open in front of us.  Not a desirable pace, so we agreed to pick it up as best we could.  Again, no golfers waiting behind us. In fact, we could not even see the following foursome.

Fast forward to the 11th hole, when “Todd” approached us again and now DEMANDED that we pick up our pace, claiming that we were holding up the entire flight of golfers behind us.  When we pointed back to the 11th tee, where we had been just minutes before, no golfers were visible.  Yet “Todd” actually claimed that those golfers – invisible to us on the fairway – were “being polite” (whatever that meant) … apparently wearing camouflage and hiding among the bushes and trees!

Camouflage may be the new trend at Bella Vista GC

Apparently a new trend born at Bella Vista GC for “polite golfers” …

When we argued, “Todd” whipped out his iPad and proceeded to show – via a full-color graph – how our pace-of-play was “holding up everyone on the golf course”! So we once again pointed back to the empty 11th tee, and asked him where the hold-up was?

But at least the iPad revealed what the REAL problem was. A data-driven “golf quota”, no doubt fed from cart GPS units to a programmed spreadsheet that fed “Todd’s” tablet and drove him to become a golf course pest of unequaled persistence.

Tony Soprano was right all along! The Authorities could use the cart GPS to harass golfers!

Take out the GPS. I don’t want the FBI tracking us with it.” – Tony Soprano

That’s what I like about you, boss; you are always thinking of the big picture.” Paulie Walnuts Gualtieri.

Then the ridiculous turned unbelievable when “Todd” demanded that we SKIP the par-3 12th hole to bring our pace-of-play up to standard!  We pointedly demurred as we struggled to determine which episode of “The Twilight Zone” we had stumbled into.

Fast forward to the 13th tee after we ignored the “advice” to skip a hole.  And here comes the course superintendent to add in his $0.02, which was more like $4 as he proceeds to argue for 10 minutes.  In other words, interrupting our round to preach about pace-of-play while repeatedly stating that he “hated to be out there” harassing his customers.

By now we were disgusted; could not wait to get out of there; realizing we were playing our last round at Bella Vista GC. We have been spreading the word and this ridiculous story ever since!

But let’s review …

1. Yes, nothing screws up a golf round more than playing behind extremely slow golfers and having to wait continuously to play a shot.

2. Our foursome never saw anyone playing behind us, let alone waiting to hit their shots. Not ONCE anywhere during our round, including the roughly 20 minutes during which we were preoccupied by the lunacy of being accused of slowing down the entire golf course!

3. Pace-of-play is a noble concept. But it needs to be pressed judiciously, not a blind data-driven blip on a graph or spreadsheet!  Think Gabe Kapler pulling Aaron Nola in the 5th inning on Opening Day!

usa-ap-gabe-kapler-aaron-nola-braves

The dangers of obsessive data-driven management …

4. How do you blame golfers for delaying play when none of the foursomes playing behind are being directly held up by your “slow play”!  If they were, for any length of time, many golfers will either confront you directly or will take the passive-aggressive approach of “hitting up on you”.  Neither occurred this day …

And that’s where we will leave this episode of “The Twilight Show”, Tony Soprano-golfer style.

What we will never do again is play Bella Vista GC. A review of on-line ratings suggest this is not the first time course personnel have made dubious pace-of-play claims that have ruined the good mood, experiences, and monetary investments of area golfers!

Do the smart thing, if you enjoy a relaxing round of golf, and avoid playing at Bella Vista GC in Gilbertsville, PA!

Golfing Myrtle Beach

Par 3  #5 at Grande Dunes Resort (Parred it too!)

Par 3 #5 at Grande Dunes Resort

Last month I took full advantage of an opportunity to enjoy four days on a golf holiday in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  For golfers, The Grand Strand is one of those must-do destinations for the number and quality of golf courses (over 100, not including 50 miniature golf locales for miniature golfers), agreeable weather, close proximity to ocean beaches, and a wide assortment of family distracting, non-golf related attractions.

This was not my first foray into the northeast corner of the Palmetto State.  Many moons ago in a land far away, Carol and I bundled the kids and six tons of provisions into and onto our Dodge Grand Caravan and drove the 11-hour trip to Golf Heaven.

Problem was my golf clubs wouldn’t fit.

Oh, they would have fit in the car just fine.  They just wouldn’t “fit” family vacation time with three kids and a spousal unit, who rode shotgun on the Shortall herd for most of the other 358 days of the year.

Bringing the Frustration Sticks?  Wouldn’t be prudent.  Not gonna do it … and I lived to golf another day.

But this time would be different.  This time would be Mike time!

So me and one of my regular golf buddies departed at Zero Dark Thirty (roughly 0330 hours EDT) for Atlantic City International Airport and a 0630 flight on Spirit Airlines.

We did this in an attempt to shave a few farthings from the trip bill.  To be honest, I’m not sure we saved all that much money; but I can say with certainty, we saved ourselves significant aggravation by departing and arriving through relatively small airports compared to Philadelphia International.  Quicker lines through check-in and security screening; shorter walks to on-site parking; and no dependency on courtesy shuttles to get where one needed to go.

A drawback to the long commute to AC was exhaustion for those (me) who are not finely tuned, frequent travelers.  The party we joined in Myrtle – our host for the weekend –  wanted to play a round as soon as we got off the plane!  Not a big fan of travel stress or of rushing right off the plane to do anything, that first round of golf was tough.  Then we added food shopping and adult beverage provisioning following the round, so I was dead by the time we reached our condo.  The beach and party time would have to wait.

Party time?

Let’s put it this way.  Take three guys well over 50; add golf, travel and a few beers, and it was a struggle to stay awake past 9 PM!  So we concerned ourselves with the Thursday Night NFL game (Giants vs. Washington … a blow out … Thanks a bunch, Redskins!), enjoying the night time ocean breezes from the downstairs bar’s dune-side courtyard, and one spectacular Italian dinner (Villa Romana … Try the Shrimps San Marzano!).

Of course after our fine Italian meal, we had to play miniature golf!  Not because we needed more golf, just that one of our party has an “adrenaline rush” dependency, insisting we play $1 skins with carry-overs.  I’m not usually a betting man with the state of my golf game, but I’m proud to say I walked out of mini-golf $17 dollars to the plus side of the ledger!

As for the golf?  Well, you can’t go wrong in Myrtle!

With over 100 courses, you can find tracks to accommodate all levels of golf competency (or lack thereof) and all price levels.  Obviously, to attract the widest range of golf talent and therefore their golf dollars, there are quite a few courses in Myrtle Beach that can result in wild golf tantrums.

We tended to play more difficult courses, which was a struggle for those of us who are challenged on our normal tracts.  If you really want to enjoy yourself, be true to your capabilities and pick courses that are appropriate for your “skill set” … or lack thereof.  Then tee it up from age and/or talent-appropriate tees.

The courses we played from 25-28 September:

Hole #5 on the Waterway Links at Arrowhead CC

Hole #5 on the Waterway Links at Arrowhead CC

Arrowhead Country Club – a 27-hole golf complex designed by PGA pro Raymond Floyd and Tom Jackson, a renown course designer.  This is the course we played right off the plane; and admittedly my LOFT (Lack Of Freaking Talent) quotient was very high.  Conditions were very wet with The Grand Strand getting a lot of rain the week before our trip.  I would love to get another crack at this beauty.  Beware though, I seem to have found an inordinately high number of sand traps; so take my warning about appropriate tee box selection seriously and enjoy.  As an added bonus the course features several holes along the Intracoastal Waterway.

Moorland @ Legends Golf & Resort – Very, very tough course that did not ease at all my high LOFT quotient.  More undulations than a herd of elephants in an earthquake … And when the elephants die, where do you bury them?  In the greens of course!  Geared more for the low handicapper, in my humble opinion.  Loved the course, the staff was excellent, the facilities top-notch!  The problem?  This place is a golf factory (with three full 18-hole courses) … and not the

Course designer P.B.Dye is a monster!

Moorland at Legends’ course designer P.B.Dye is a monster!

good kind!  Take a hint from what your $109 buys in addition to your round of golf:  Breakfast, lunch and two beers.  Not a bad deal, but it reflects an orientation towards High Volume Play.  When we arrived there at 8 AM, there must have been easily 100-150 golfers in various stages of play or prep, including enjoying that breakfast buffet in one of the largest golf clubhouses known to man.  If you like crowds, you will LOVE Legends!

Grande Dunes Resort Club – Easily my favorite and – of course – the most expensive course we played ($129).  That pays for your golf and nothing but your golf.  Good news?  It keeps the crowd down.  Other than that, this was the most easily played round of golf, with no doubt the best scenery of the three courses.  Like Arrowhead, Grande Dunes has several holes that parallel the Intracoastal Waterway; and like many of the courses in Myrtle, it is the centerpiece of an assortment of vacation homes.  The scenery, between the style and beauty of the neighboring properties and golf holes that are well-elevated above the Intracoastal, is spectacular and makes this course a Must Play.  Not as difficult as Moorland for sure; probably closer to Arrowhead in skill level needed.

So grip it and rip it!

The Back Nine

While perusing the collection of documentaries on DVD at the local library, I ran across The Back Nine which tells the story of a 40-year-old’s pursuit of his dream to play golf on the PGA Tour.

I thought it an interesting subject, given the rather common fantasy of most passionate golfers to have the talent and mental fortitude to play the game professionally.  Unfortunately, Jon Fitzgerald – the subject, author, co-producer and co-director – has neither the talent nor the fortitude; and to throw in a little extra, he also doesn’t have the time.

Hmmmm …

You could see where this was heading halfway through, which is about where I stopped watching.  If you really don’t have the time to devote to this “dream” of yours, why should I waste my time watching it?  I’m just thankful I didn’t have to buy it!

Jon lines up FOUR … count’em!  … FOUR coaches, a life coach, swing coach, and two other I-can’t-even-remember-what coaches to help him mold his game.  He even goes out and wins his very first amateur tournament, surprisingly enough with a 12-over-par round.  Now, I’m in no position to criticize another man’s golf game; but you have to wonder if his competition was even ambulatory with those scores!

Shortly after this comes the “WTF? moment”, when Jon outlines his struggle to find enough time in his whirlwind producer, film festival organizing, family-man life to devote to his game.  When one of his golf coaches relates a conversation where Jon plans to spend “a whole ten hours a week” on his “professional” golf game, I lunged for the video remote’s Cease & Desist Button!  Even the coach seemed incredulous at what little golfing he planned to do!

If I spent 10 hours-a-week on “nothing but golf”, I might just get my gargantuan handicap down to No Longer Embarrassing Myself.  But even the Worst Golfer Alive could figure out where this time-starved project was heading …  Absolutely Nowhere! 

Apparently all that I missed by not watching the rest of the story was Mr. Fitzgerald’s struggle to balance the demands of his professional life and his family with his desire to play golf.  I’m not sure how that differs from any other Regular Working Joe, who has to scrape together enough time to fit in his golf.  And in addition, he also spends a good part of the project reconnecting with his two fathers.  In other words, it turns into a guy’s version of a Lifetime Movie!

Me thinks Jon Fitzgerald was just looking for a Pay Day.

Give me a break …

Recommendation:  Don’t bother!

Choking down a day at Pebble Beach

pearlpbLiterally, I was choking down my Pebble Beach experience.  My big chance to play one of the iconic golf courses in the country and the sport, and an hour-and-a-half before our tee-time my Anxiety-O-Meter was shutting down my internal organs!  I had NEVER felt like this before playing a round of golf.  As much as I tried to relax; to take in the surroundings; to enjoy my Eggs Benedict, I was very, very close to a Critical Mass Event!

There were several possible reasons.

  • We had left Mission Ranch, where we had stayed the night before with the woman folk, at 0-it’s-still-so-freakin’-dark hundred hours, so it felt like we were sneaking onto the most famous golf resort in America like a pair of illegals.  I half expected the immaculately uniformed attendants and valets to lay hands upon us and eject us from the premises!
  • Everything about this place is intimidating when you allow the mystique of Pebble Beach and the potential heights of its golf experience to get a stranglehold on your emotions.
  • And of course, every golfer can appreciate the phenomena of First Tee Jitters.  Now just multiply that by several orders of magnitude and suddenly those Eggs Benedict are like trying to swallow a chunk of fairway turf.  My biggest fear was cleaving a foot-sized divot from the first tee and seeing my golf ball mocking me from its perch, untouched by my TaylorMade!

Yes, that would explain a lot!  But eventually it passed, though I’m not sure exactly when or how.  After a ride out to the range and a bucket of balls, it was time to face the legacy of Pebble Beach and those golf legends that had played there before us.

Of course I had to make a few adjustments to my golf-playing expectations, given my surroundings, the difficulty of some of the holes we would play, and the fact that I was still battling the flight side of my fight-or-flight survival instincts.

  1. I knew – or at least expected – that unless I morphed into my Tiger Woods PGA Tour video game icon, the quality of my golf game was going to be a distant second to the overall aura of playing Pebble Beach.
  2. I was going to enjoy the atmosphere, scenery and uniqueness of what could be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, regardless of how well or poorly I played.
  3. I wasn’t about to permit the demons of my sporadic golf game to ruin such a monumental day!  But – may Johnny Miller forgive me – if I did chunk up a big piece of Pebble Beach fairway, it might just be ground-under-repair for a few months; because THAT hunk of turf would be heading back East with me if I had to wear it as a hair hat the rest of the trip!

And then we were on the first tee!  I think that the overload of panic I felt earlier that morning somehow mitigated the horrendous crush of first-tee jitters I had anticipated.  The first tee area wasn’t nearly as crowded as I had anticipated for our 9:00 a.m. tee time, which I’m sure helped.  And all the ancillary distractions of meeting our caddy, Josh (another first for me!), our playing partners, and even the relatively tame layout of the first hole allowed me to swing my driver without hurting anyone.

Of course, that dreaded high fade didn’t help.  But I wasn’t the only one who needed to hit a provisional ball off the 1st tee.  The second drive was much better; and I played the first two holes pretty well, including a bogie on the par 5 #2 hole.  On Hole #3 you get your first glimpse of the Pacific Ocean.  It’s just a teaser for what’s to follow; but it’s enough to make your putter take notice!

First glimpse of ocean at #3

At #4 my dastardly fade cost me my first ball on the first true ocean hole.  (I would only lose 6-8 for the day, which was far better than I expected!)  Then the REAL FUN began.  #5 is a par 3 that runs along the ocean cliffs; and I didn’t play that hole too badly, given the difficulty of finding my pulled tee shot after it bounded down the cart path.  My brother, Pat, deposited his tee shot off a tree and into what was purportedly Charles Schwab’s backyard!

Little bro, Pat putting on #4

Holes #6, 7 and 8 are three of the most beautiful holes in golf.  And I would say that #8 is indeed one of the greatest holes I’ve ever played!

The second shot up the hill to the second fairway and green of #6 is the first of those grip-grinding moments you face at Pebble, at least if you’re a short hitter like me and it looks like you have to clear a 8-story building to reach the upper portion of the fairway.  You have to marvel at those strong and brave enough to play right-to-left over the most dangerous portion of the sea cliff.

The par 3 #7 was the setting for my closest encounter with Pebble Beach greatness!  #7 is not particularly long at 106 yards; but the backdrop gives you much pause.  Golf jail here is in the form of a high, steep ocean cliff surrounding the green.  No one in our foursome found the green most likely due to an overabundance of caution.  Once I travelled down to the putting surface, I found my tee shot in the green-side bunker left of the pin.  In a classic “ugly but effective” moment, my semi-crisp sandwedge barely cleared the lip; was slowed by the thick grass lining the top of the trap; and tracked right at the hole.  (My cinematographer has the video evidence!)  Despite shouts of encouragement (“It’s right at the hole!”), the ball struck the edge of the cup and rolled away.  Of course I missed the comeback putt, but that couldn’t diminish the thrill of almost holing out from the sand of #7!

My “almost” sand shot position can be seen just pin high in the sand!

When we arrived on the tee of #8, Josh – our caddy for the day, warned us not to hit anything further than 200 yards off the tee.  His advice was timely given the amazing challenge awaiting us.  All four of us hit perfect tee shots to within 20 feet of the edge of the fairway, only to look down at one of the most awe-inspiring approach shots in golf.

The approach shot on the magnificent #8 at Pebble Beach

Two balls later, I had just missed clearing the yawning sea chasm.  My playing partners were more successful; but that was the kind of day it was for me.  Regardless, I was pumped at having played the kind of golf shot I might never see again!  The fascinating part of #8 is that there is no protection whatsoever – aside from politely placed signs warning of a steep drop – to keep an unsuspecting golfer (as difficult as that might be to imagine) from taking a slip ‘n slide dive into the most hazardous hazard known to the sport!

The above photo and those following show the dramatic changes in fog conditions we encountered resulting from the cool ocean layer.  Shortly before playing #8 in bright, clear sunshine, this was the view down #6 (below).  The fairway lies just left of the bunkers.

The fog was a minor nuisance.  But it did curtail the number of dramatic photo-ops we encountered, especially on those holes along the cliffs and lower shoreline (#17 & 18).

Infamous #18 along the beach from the green

This is what #18 looked like from the green down the fairway (left). You can make out the well-known seawall and sand trap that line the craggy shoreline that is death for any stray shots.  Off in the distance you can see the form of the two trees that mark the aiming point for drives off the tee.  My lone disappointment was not being able to appreciate the full incredible vista of #18 from the tee box.

It was just that kind of day on the Monterey peninsula!

The rest of our round from #10 through #16 – though devoid of spectacular vistas – was full of excellent golf holes and mind-boggling putts.  My one recommendation for anyone looking to experience Pebble Beach (or Spyglass Hill which will be posted later) is to spend the extra cash and arrange for a caddy to accompany you.  You cannot ride a cart up to your ball at Pebble as carts are always restricted to the cart paths; so the caddy (hauling both our bags) is advisable for getting the most out of your round.

In addition, the putts alone on some of the greens REQUIRE an experienced guide.  I could have easily 4 or 5-putted a number of greens without the assistance of Josh.  The first few times your caddy tries to give a read on some of the greens, your brain won’t allow you to follow his advice.  Your mind simply can’t overcome the difference between what the eye sees and what you’re being told to do.  After just one or two bad misses though, you learn to listen to your caddy and tell your brain to shut up, sit down, and enjoy the ride!

On #14, which we were told is shaved like cue ball for tournaments, I faced what looked like a severe uphill 20-foot putt.  Not so fast, counseled Josh.  It’s actually a DOWN HILL putt!  (Putting so near the ocean turns everything upside down.  Downhill can be “up”; and uphill “down” depending on your orientation to the sea.  The physics of which I cannot comprehend!)  Josh points to a spot barely 3-4 feet away from my ball and a good 8 feet – directionally – AWAY from the flag!  “Trust me.”, he says.  “Hit it here and gravity will do the rest!”  So I hit it where I’m told, then watch in disbelief as the putt breaks not once, not twice, but three times as the ball meanders UP the 8-inch slope.  The putt finishing just inches away from the hole!

Trust me, take a caddy!