Author Archives: Mike Shortall

CML’s Idiot’s Guide for Lawns; Chapter 4 – Summer lawn survival

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I have few prejudices in life; but the ones I have are deeply rooted and attended to as lavishly as my lawn care obsession!  They are in rough order of magnitude:

  • crabgrass
  • large dogs with inconsiderate owners
  • all other weeds
  • lawn mowing contractors
  • small dogs with inconsiderate owners

As you can see, I consider lawn mowing contractors roughly equivalent to “medium-sized dogs with inconsiderate owners”.  It’s not that I “hate” them per se; and I do not begrudge their need to earn a living or the demand for their services by home owners who simply don’t want to be bothered.

The truth is lawn mowing services rarely care about your lawn.  They cut your grass way too short – no matter how hot it is – in order to make it easier on themselves should rainy weather prevent them from making a weekly cutting.  And they tend to be sloppy and inconsiderate.  Case-in-point was watching my neighbor’s contractor – on Memorial Day morning no less – doing a sloppy job of mowing their lawn.  Had I known how sloppy the mess left on my side of the lawn was, I would have confronted them at the time.  But if you like large clumps of long, dried out clippings all over your lawn, then you’re in good hands!

But I digress …

The point of this post is to provide some uneducated, experience-related tips on how to help your lawn survive the long, hot, dry summer and then thrive once cooler temps return. 

My front lawn absolutely BAKES during the summer.  An east-by-southeast exposure, and the absence of shade or an irrigation system, guarantees that by late August it looks more like a lawn in Afghanistan than it does one in southeast Pennsylvania.  My back yard is exactly the opposite … plenty of shade provided by the house and large neighboring trees.  It still gets dry; but it doesn’t sun-bake nearly as much as the front. 

Differing conditions should influence how much time and care you dedicate to your lawn’s summer survival.  I will water the front yard every other day during hot, dry weather; but NEVER bother watering the back yard.

Common sense is the recurring theme in my suggestions for helping your lawn beat the heat and survive the summer:

  1. Make sure you fertilize regularly, especially in the spring and fall.
    • Search the tag cloud on the menu bar for Lawn Care to read these posts
  2. Don’t be afraid to let your lawn grow LONGERonce it starts getting HOT. (This is where the aforementioned lawn-mowing contractors are so often no friend to your lawn!) 
    • A well-maintained lawn will look fuller and more lush when allowed to grow longer.
    • Longer grass will collect and retain more moisture, even just from morning dew.
    • Longer grass also helps shade underlying soil, helps it retain moisture, and protects the plants’ roots
  3. When it starts getting hot, water regularly those sections of your lawn that tend to dry out first and turn brown.
    • It’s never to late to water; but do not wait until the lawn is already starting to brown to start watering.
    • Pay attention to weather forecasts for anticipated rains and plan accordingly.
    • Water in the evening when moisture has longer to soak the soil and reach plant roots.
  4. Use common sense when it comes to fertilizing during heat waves and dry conditions.  Don’t fertilize a severely dry or burnt lawn.  You’re likely to do more harm than good.
    • This is generally an issue only with anti-grub applications, normally applied around the 4th of July.  In my opinion, you could do more harm than any lawn pest by applying a grub treatment when your lawn is water-starved.
  5. When worse comes to worse and the lawn turns to straw, watering can still help to keep the roots from completely drying out. 

None of these suggestions will guarantee your lawn won’t turn brown.  If Mother Nature doesn’t cooperate with an occasional rain, only an irrigation system will keep your lawn green for any extended period of time during hot, dry weather.  

My lawn does not have an irrigation system.  So I TRY to water every other day (which is a practical compromise between wanting to water every day and the cost of doing so).  But even when I am conscientious about watering, without help from Above, my front lawn will stay green only for so long.  There is NEVER a summer where patches – usually the same spots each year – don’t thin out, turn brown, and resemble more closely straw than grass.  These areas get early special attention in an attempt to mitigate the damage.

The MOST IMPORTANT result is that my lawn usually bounces back pretty quickly because – I like to think – I’m sensible about keeping it in as good a shape as I can BEFORE the long, hot, dry summer starts taking its toll!  The secret is to pay attention to your lawn’s condition when Mother Nature turns on the oven, and to anticipate what needs to be done to protect it!  

Good luck out there!

On the HLRA: May 18 meeting, June 10 community charrette

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The Horsham Land Reuse Authority met in its monthly meeting on May 18, and for the most part it was business as usual.  Most developments were of a mundane administrative nature; but a few new things were learned as well, particularly how the upcoming June 10 community charrette will work. 

  • A walk-through tour of the JRB Willow Grove property was conducted by Navy officials for the edification of Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection Deputy Secretary Denise Brinley.  They reviewed the current state of known environmental sites and toured existing building stock.  Ms. Brinley is charged with  Community Revitalization and Local Government Support for the PA-DEP.  HLRA representatives were present.
  • None of the various Notices of Interest (NOI) filed by various parties interested in laying claim to excess property on the base, including the runway, are without the need for additional information and clarification.  Evaluations are expected to be completed by the consultant, RKG by the end of June.
  • It is believed that many of the NOIs were filed for buildings without actually visiting the buildings requested and knowing their present condition.  Some buildings have been in disrepair for some time already.
  • Lease arrangement for the Delaware Valley Historic Aircraft Association should be completed shortly, assuring that the Association will remain a Horsham fixture at the base and that static airplane displays, controlled by the Navy, will remain as well.       

There also was an in-depth explanation provided of the specifics and workings of the charrette process that will be used at the next community participation meeting, June 10-11.

  • Two sessions, both identical in process and objective (so that participation at one session should suffice, although attendance at both is perfectly acceptable), will be held on June 10 at 2:00 pm and 6:30 pm (with sign-in required beginning at 1:00 pm and 5:30 pm respectively).
  • The process is intended to flesh out development plans by seeking community input through identical small-group planning exercises managed by the HLRA consultant, RKG.
    • RKG is experienced with using what are called “community planning charrettes” for other large development projects.
  • The charrette process in June WILL NOT result in the completion of the much-anticipated “three base reuse alternatives” from which the HLRA will choose one plan to submit to the Navy for its consideration and endorsement.  
    • The charrette WILL allow for community input, by either including or excluding various options for the future base reuse alternatives.
  • On Saturday, June 11, it is anticipated that the HLRA Committee will spend the entire day reviewing and evaluating the results of the collective charrette sub-groups.  Then at approximately 4:00 pm the HLRA will present the results of its evaluations. 
  • From these results (referred to as “the bubble plan”), RKG will integrate the input from the community into the development of the three base reuse alternatives, which will be presented to the HLRA and be available for public review and comment at a later date.  

Why Horsham attendance matters:  I have a number of friends and neighbors, who ask why it’s “necessary” for them to attend the charrette when there will be “nothing decided”?  My pitch to them is two-fold.  

  1. You’re a taxpayer.  What you may or may not want at JRB Willow Grove and whatever results – development wise – from the HLRA process will affect the Township’s tax base and your tax bills for years – even decades – to come.  Why wouldn’t you either want a say in the process or at least get a good feel for the future of your local community?
  2. You’re a homeowner.  And although there’s not much difference between being a taxpayer and being a homeowner, there is a difference between PAYING for the decisions that affect your “taxpayer future” and LIVING with what results from this process and its effects on life in Horsham for anyone who owns a home there.
  3. (OK, I lied … It’s three-fold.)  Whether you are for or against an airport as a future tenant, you should make sure your voice is heard.  There are few more important decisions than this when it comes to a community’s future.  Even an airport skeptic like myself could be convinced that an airport might be the best solution, if enough Horsham residents say they “see the light” and are convinced there is no better option.  But for sure, you can bet that the pro-airport forces will be out in strength for the June 10-11 charrette!  So be there, if you care!    

 

GOOD NEWS:  The FAA’s Harrisburg District office advised that no grant money will be provided to pay for an “airport study” until such time as a redevelopment plan is approved that includes plans for an airport and the FAA determines that such an airport is necessary and that the applying entity (i.e. Bucks County Airport Association or Montgomery County) is capable of operating said airport.  (MontCo doesn’t even have an airport authority!)

Why is this good news?  Airport proponents have been pushing for an FAA study, which they claimed was ripe for the asking, as a method for justifying and supporting their efforts to push for an airport as a reuse alternative.  Personally, I believe the FAA would determine such an airport both necessary and feasible, which obviously would run counter to anti-airport interests.  By eliminating that possibility prior to the HLRA completing its reuse plan development efforts, there is one less tactic available for pro-airport forces to push their agenda.

See you on June 10.  I plan to attend the afternoon session.

Closet Wars

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After a few years of marriage, the male has learned most of The House Rules – as set forth by The House Frau – intended to create sensible boundaries around those issues where violation most likely would lead to annoyance and potential confrontation.  Among these rules are Issues of Safety (Thou shalt not leave the toilet seat in the full upright position.), Communication (Thou shalt call when expected to be late for supper or when missing an important ETA.), and Household Efficiency (Thou shalt not wear shoes on the white carpet.).  

There are others of course; required, defined, and implemented based on the peculiarities of each union and living situation.  And there are those guidelines, never actually set forth because they are considered as obvious and universal as The Laws of Nature. 

The problem with unspoken rules though is that they assume everyone has the same perspective, appreciation, and interpretation of what is natural, what is necessary, what is universal.  And this is where I stumbled.

It all happened innocently enough, as do many disputes.  I was cleaning out my side – the small side – of the closet … a task much-needed but never relished.  As I filled a few bags with clothes no longer worn, I contemplated space to store – temporarily – the cold-weather sweaters and sweatshirts put aside for yet another Summer in dark, stuffy storage.  My incursion was intended to be only temporary. (So help me, God!)  So I furtively eyed the DeMilitarized Zone (DMZ) that separated our respective clothing.  The male from the female …  The utilitarian from the decorative … The barbarians from the richly appointed Romans …    

As any married man can appreciate, the overwhelming bulk of closet turf goes uncontested to the female.  Of our roomy, walk-in closet I currently control perhaps 20%.  My dearest wife on the other hand, controls 67% of the hanger rod capacity and 75% of the overhead shelf and floor space! 

How this ever became to be a universally accepted practice most likely goes back to the first cave-dwelling female-male union.  Zog, the Neanderthal just turned around one day to find his stuff piled neatly in a corner, while Uba’s decorative animal skins were spread out neatly along the other three walls of their walk-in grotto.  And another of those universal Natural Laws was created!  

Smart, modern married men learned to begrudgingly accept this.  You concede the closet, knowing there will be other, more important issues on which to man the barricades.

 What I failed to appreciate was that the Female of the species will protect her spaces as though they are nuclear missile sites.  To take liberties can turn out like those stories of innocent hikers happening upon a momma grizzly with her cubs, an innocent walk in the woods turns into a mauling in the blink of an eye. 

So the reaction to any incursion was predictable, had I not been so oblivious to the danger. 

But in point of fact, I was only seeking perhaps 12-15 inches of temporary rod space … And only until I could transfer my stuff to an out-of-the-way locale.  Appropriately reckless, I made my move; pushing aside light and breezy female garments, replacing them with my heavy cold-weather mangear. 

The reaction did not take long.  But there was no mauling, no shot across the bow, no need to search for my launch codes.  I returned later to find my stuff simply pushed back across the DMZ; the border incursion clearly recognized and just as clearly pushed back across the long-established border. 

But nudge that I am, I pushed it back.  And that’s when I received that proverbial shot across my bow. 

“What are you doing up in the closet, sweetie?”, asked My Gentle Lady.

“Huh?”, my usual “Who? Me?” response.

“Don’t play dumb.  You’re hogging my closet space.”, countered My Wily Cohabitator.

“Oh, I just need the space for a little … “, I attempted to …

“No, no , no … You have your stuff all spread out there.  You have plenty of room to hang them on your side.”, countered My Precious Prosecutor.

“Well, I just wanted a ….”, I stammered.

“Move ’em or lose ’em, honey!”, suggested General Schwarzkopf, her eyes steely, her mind fingering her launch codes.

Lesson learned and humbled, my guys limped back to the safe side of the DMZ; knowing only that their Obtuse Leader had put them in harm’s way for no apparent good reason.

Rainy days and primaries always get me down

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As Karen Carpenter once sang,

Sometimes I’d like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin’ around, nothing to do but frown

Honest, I really did have to look that up!  It’s bad enough that I still remember the song.

But it sums up nicely what yesterday was like.  Primary Day in Montgomery County was dull, slow, wet, long, and dull.  That is until the evening voter rush hit, when it was even duller still if that’s possible.   

It is what it is.

What it was, was a Primary Day completing lacking in any headline-grabbing fights for Party endorsements, save a semi-interesting two-way battle for the County GOP nod in the County Sheriff’s race (Congrats to winning nominee, Eileen Whalon Behr!)  and a few skirmishes for judgeship nominations.  Other than that, it was about as interesting as a night at your daughter’s dance recital.  (C’mon … Admit it!)

You know you’re in for a long day when you remind neighbors the night before ” … to vote tomorrow!”, and they scrunch up their noses and say, “What’s tomorrow?!?” 

Oh, boy …  

Heck, not even a single Democrat poll worker/watcher bothered to show up at our polling place!

With over 800 registered voters in our district, well less than 100 turned out to vote.  But that’s what happens when rainy days and low-profile primaries converge.  

Let’s just hope it doesn’t rain in November for a race that will decide Montgomery (PA) County leadership for the next four years!

‘Cause if it does, there will be …

No need to talk it out
We know what it’s all about
Hangin’ around, nothing to do but frown

Montgomery County (PA) Primary Elections

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Tomorrow, May 17 is primary day in Pennsylvania. And although there are few national or state-wide races sexy enough to draw much attention, Montgomery County will be selecting party nominations for the County Commissioners offices and all county row offices.

Any Republican, who pays attention to regional politics, recognizes the problems which have occurred at the County Commissioner level when Republican voters were disenfranchised through Jim Matthews’ personal vendetta against Bruce Castor.  The stage will be set for purging the Commissioners ranks of Matthews with the strong candidate team of Bruce Castor and Jenny Brown. 

Even though the Castor and Brown will be unopposed for the Republican nomination, several other important nominations for row offices are being contested.  (Each party nominates two Commissioner candidates for three commissioner offices.  This ensures that there is always one minority member included on the County Commissioners Board.)

See my take on the Montgomery County Republican nominees here.

Pay particular attention to the GOP nomination race for Sheriff.  Eileen Behr, former Whitemarsh Township Police Chief and currently serving the balance of the term of the deceased John P. Durante as Montgomery County’s Sheriff, looks to run as the Montco GOP-endorsed candidate for her own term as Sheriff.  Behr was asked by Governor Tom Corbett to finish out Durante’s term when he passed away in February 2010.

She is being opposed by Robert J. Durante, who is of no relation to the deceased Sheriff Durante, is a retired 33-year veteran of the Sheriff’s office. 

Ms. Behr is eminently qualified for the post of Sheriff.  Please show your support for a woman who has diligently worked her way up from dispatcher to become the first female police chief in Montgomery County.  

To my knowledge, none of the other GOP row office nominations are being contested with the Republican Party.  However, care should be given in recognizing Democrat candidates for judge that have cross-filed as Republicans in order to cement unopposed ballot positions in the November election.

On that note, I also submit for your consideration the nomination of Maureen Coggins for judge.  I was much impressed by Ms. Coggins during the Republican nomination process.  She would be an excellent choice for judge in Montgomery County.

Life in a Country Western Exclusion Zone

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My buddy, Bob, almost jumped from my moving car a few weeks ago.  I had offended his city slicker-trained ear; and I had placed my friend in jeopardy.  I had dared to play country music in a Country Western Exclusion Zone (CWEZ).  

You’da thought I stole his wife and shot his dog  … perhaps that’s the other way around.

It was a rainy Friday; and I had spent the day ridin’ fences (CWEZ translation: Honey, Do … List); punchin’ cows (Took the dog to the groomers.); and balin’ hay (Picked the mower up from the repair shop.).  The country music playlist on the iPod was fitting in nicely with the weather, the chores, and my mood.  And it was giving me a few good laughs along the way. 

Why?!?

‘Cause nobody tells a story like a cowboy!  

Actually, I think the cowgals tell a much more entertaining story, since they inevitably get around to how their man is behavin’ like the south end of a northbound horse.  

I reside in the Philadelphia CWEZ.  CWEZs blanket the east coast north of Baltimore.  The typical CWEZ extends for miles from the center of every major northeastern city.  Larger cities – like Philadelphia and New York – have larger CWEZs. 

There are those who will flaunt CWEZ convention, and listen to these contraband music stylings.  But they are few.  They are hardy.  And they keep their anti-establishment behavior to themselves, like resistance fighters in German-held France during WWII. 

So while growing up I never listened to country music, as is required of all people born within a CWEZ.  The requirements also include loyalty to NFL teams as opposed to college or high school football, minivans in lieu of pickup trucks, and white sneakers instead of a good pair of shit-kickin’ boots.

Of course, there was a time when country music was THE Thing.  That was back in the ’80s, I think.  Suddenly country music was OK.  City folk wore checkered shirts, blue jeans with HUGE belt buckles, boots, and went around yelling, “Yee haw!!”  They went line dancing; had square dances.  But it was just a John Travolta-Urban Cowboy fad, which soon faded away like disco.  Suddenly it was forbidden once again …  Never to be spoken of again by respectable CWEZ types.   

My country music dalliance began when I heard my neighbor listening to some alien, nasally twang as he pulled into his driveway in his Ford F-150. (Always the rebel he!)  When I yelled out in my best CWEZ, “Yo, homey … Whatcha listenin’ to?!?” , he all too quickly reached over and flipped off the car stereo.  “Nothin’, buddy … How ’bout them Eagles?!?”, he responded as he glanced nervously around to see who else might have been listening.

But the damage was done.  My curiosity piqued, I was a man set on skirting CWEZ compliance and the ultimate ridicule of friends and family.  Rumor has it they have huge, clandestine CWEZ Renditioning Centers for the likes of me.  They break you; destroy your spirit; turn you into *shudder* Jay Z and Adam Lambert fans!  My life would never be the same.

Due in no small part to my CWEZ upbringing, to this day I do not  listen to most of the older, more established masters of the country genre.  No Hank Williams, Patsy Cline … No Merle Haggard, Tammy Wynette or Conway Twitty …  And yet, I get a mighty hankerin’ for Johnny Cash; and really enjoy the diverse talents of Willie Nelson!

Thus far my favorites consist of relative little-knowns – to me anyway – like Sarah Johns (Favorite song: The One in the Middle), Justin Townes Earle (bluegrass influence), Lyle Lovett, Faith Hill, Delbert McClinton (also blues rock, electric blues) and Elizabeth Cook (Fav: Sometimes It Takes Balls to be a Woman).  Both Jones and Cook can really get down on a man bent to make a fool of himself! 

What I love about their music is their ability to simplify the challenges, goals, and disappointments of life to a level which anyone listening can easily relate.  There is little self-import or complexity.  A scoundrel of a husband (or wife) is just that.  Life is what surrounds you. Who you are defined by the kind of life you lead.  

The kicker is, you can get a good laugh while you’re listening!  

I’m looking for some good suggestions, if you have any.  Just stay away from country western artists who are all hat, no cattle!

Operation Digitaria

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UPDATE/MISSION DEBRIEF:  Friendly forces successfully applied anti-crabgrass treatment (preemergent) along the contested northern border and behind enemy lines to a distance of 3-4 feet.

Operation Digitaria commenced at 1745 EDT on May 10 with a diversionary mowing operation.  Followed immediately by a lightening-fast (Well, for me anyway.), stealth application of said preemergent.

Mission success was threatened by temporary loss of rotary spreader capability caused by ingestion of foreign material related to spousal unit failure to properly clean hand trowel used for recent cemetary plantings. (SURPRISE! … I tend to store small garden tools in the spreader housing when not in use.)  Corrective maintenance returned spreader to full mission capability.  Operation completed without losses to personnel or equipment.  Initial observations indicate bordering forces did not observe and remain unaware of interdiction operation.     

END

Horsham LRA meeting – Wednesday, May 4, 2011

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Attended the Horsham Land Reuse Authority meeting at 3:00 PM on Wednesday afternoon, May 4 at the Horsham Township Municipal Building.  These meetings are where the HLRA deals with the general business of the HLRA, including the approval of expenditures and contracts (One for auditing services was discussed.); and where it manages the LRA’s complex interactions with the U.S. Navy and other communities.  There were several impressions I came away with:

  • The relatively small, less emotional audience allows time to be used more efficiently.  But attendance at these meeting is no less important.  Few Horsham residents appeared to be there.
  • In general, the content is extremely dry, and may cause uncontrolled episodes of loud snoring.
  • With few Horsham residents in attendance, the audience and public commentary is certainly more pro-airport than witnessed in the evening meetings when more work-a-day Horsham residents attend.
  • You must be a dedicated public servant/community leader to put up with the minutia of public business and the pleadings of supplicants. Several airport supporters attempted to push for an FAA study to assess the economic benefits of an airport at the site.  (A tactic – I assume – is intended to keep the topic of airport development alive and on the table.)  Committee Chairman, Bill Whiteside, adeptly sidestepped the issue, denying airport proponents – for the time being – access to an FAA study that might provide favorable cover for the airport concept.  But this issue will be raised again.  

Certainly you can see that those whose interests support an airport find their voice in this setting.  A regular participant at the meeting confirmed for me that the bulk of individuals attending afternoon HLRA meetings were typically pro-airport for JRB Willow Grove reuse plans.

I learned several things during the 90-minute meeting:

  • Some Horsham residents might be surprised to see a neighbor or two they would never suspect, pushing for an airport-based plan while living in their midst.  While one self-identified Horsham resident stood up to push the need for the FAA study mentioned above, a HLRA regular leaned in to whisper that, if his neighbors were here, they’d kill him.    
  • Horsham Township Council has decided that it will oppose all efforts to develop the JRB Willow Grove site as a commercial airport or business airpark.  To this end they have initiated several re-zoning measures for lands surrounding the airbase that will render any future efforts to develop a commercial airport there much more difficult, perhaps impossible.  (So goes my understanding.  But I’m not a lawyer.)  
  • The airport concept is supported by several groups, not all of them of an obvious nature.  They are …
    • Pilots, who for obvious reasons would like access to such a large, developed airfield.  Many –  I suspect – are drawn to the airbase due to its history, convenience, and runway length. 
    • Corporate aircraft passengers … Another obvious group consisting of high-end air travelers and private owners who would love to avoid the Philly airports or simply one closer to home. 
    • Frequent commercial airline passengers … Business travelers, unable to afford private corporate aircraft, who are tired of the hassles associated with flying out of Philadelphia International and other major airports north and south of the Philly area.  These individuals want to see a fully functioning commercial airport there.
    • Business owners and developers who see the base property either as an opportunity for growth or as a site for competing properties.  Since competition lowers pricing and revenue, some of these investors actually want to see an airport there in order to limit the availability of commercial real estate, therefore keeping rents on existing space higher.
  • Horsham Township will never take possession of any lands other than those specifically requested by it.  (Lands requested by Horsham Township included 60 acres for a new school, additional acreage for open space, and existing infrastructure supporting the base.)  The HLRA simply develops the plan, that if approved by the U.S. Navy results in the direct transfer of assets to the end-user under specific terms of use.   
  • The possibility of an airport is not the only threat to Horsham’s quality-of-life.  Just check out some of the comments on reusethebase.com.  Land speed track is shorthand for drag racing (Think Atco Speedway).  Wouldn’t that be nice to hear on those soft summer evenings out on your deck?!?  (Frankly, I think this might be a scare tactic along the lines of, “Think an airport would be BAD?  Look what could end up there instead!”)      

My point in all this is to stress that Horsham residents cannot let their guard down.  They must continue to remain active, not just for the well-publicized community meetings held in the evenings, but also for these important but sparsely attended afternoon meetings.  Not only will it keep you informed, but a strong township presence will lend moral support to those on The Board looking to limit the most intrusive threats to Horsham’s quality-of-life. 

The next HLRA meeting is scheduled for May 18 at 3:00 PM.

When was the last time you read a short story?

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There’s a sense of anticipation whenever I open a new book, whether reading the first words of an unfamiliar author or settling in with the familiar style of a past favorite.  But a book is also a commitment, especially when taking on more serious, academic works.  And although I can count on both hands the number of books I have tossed aside before completing, I consider most of those to be failures. 

It’s a bit daunting for me as to start a book the thickness of our local Yellow Pages on some tangent of social or political history, because I know I have to be into it for the long haul.  Given the small amount of leisure time I devote to serious reading, I almost expect my attention to wander, my commitment challenged.

About a year ago, while perusing the bargain shelves at the local Barnes & Noble, I spied The New Granta Book of the American Short Story (Edited and introduced by Richard Ford) when something clicked …

I realized that I hadn’t read a short story since college, quite possibly since high school.  Why, I’m not quite sure.  But the prospect of picking up a read that would not turn into weeks of guilt-laden glances at the dust-covered novel on the coffee table was appealing.

Besides the lack of a long-term commitment, there are several advantages to picking up a collection of short stories.  For one thing, a collection of shorties presents a true box of literary chocolates.  Everyone can find something they like.  But if you don’t, you can take a bite and spit out the rest.  (Please pardon the visual!)  Little intense effort.  No sense of loss.  No guilt when you decide you would rather watch the Phillies game.

The New Granta is indeed the thickness of a phone book.  It contains an impressive 44 offerings from 44 authors.  Some as short as 1000 words; the longest about 30 pages.  I’ve read only 13 so far; enjoying the fast-paced story-telling between the longer novels and historical tomes on my lengthy reading list.  Whenever I read one of its entries, I scribble a short Yea or Nea to mark the storytellers I like.  

If you pick up Richard Ford’s New Granta, be sure to read the introduction.  Ford does an excellent job describing the similarities and differences of novels versus short stories.  He also explains how the concept of writer’s authority contributes to the way author and reader interact.

Short stories will turn observable qualities of life upside down.  They play tricks with space and time.  They are short on character development, and long on daring literary twists in an attempt to both capture your attention and tell the story in their willfully truncated allotment of words.  The biggest difference one would notice is the lack of dithering about that you come to expect from the characters of a voluminous novel.   

Recently I read one of Stephen King‘s collections of short stories, Just After Sunset.  In his foreword, King describes his short story writing experience as almost cathartic.  He finds that when he sits down to write them, they come out in bunches.  If you like King’s more suspenseful, less horror-filled offerings, you will really enjoy this collection of short works.

My favorites were a stretch of stories beginning with The Things They Left Behind.  This entry followed by Graduation  Day and ending with The New York Times at Special Bargain Rates, was an interesting, troubling and curious sequence involving New York City.  I won’t play spoiler here by giving away the reason why I felt this way.  I’ll leave it to you to decide for yourself.  The Cat From Hell is simply an interlude here, and more in line with the kind of gruesome horror for which King is renown. 

This Steven King collection disproved the Box of Chocolates Theory on short story collections in general.  I did not find one story I did not like or could not easily immerse myself.  The book proved well worth the price of admission. 

So if you haven’t picked up a short story since they forced you to read them in high school or college, take a chance.  You will like their concise, relatively uncomplicated nature.  And should you find one or two you don’t like, you won’t suffer that annoying sense of loss over failing at a long-term commitment!