Cranky Man down!

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Mike Shortall

Now that’s fainting!

“Carol … Something’s wrong.”

She turned from watching the Phillies’ Cliff Lee on the mound, “What?”

“Something’s not right with me.” And that quickly, I was out cold.

The next thing I remember is coming out of this fog, my head drooped slightly. I’m freezing cold. I sense I’m still at the ballgame; but I can’t figure out how it got so damn cold at Citizens Bank Park.

Ice bags … There are pounds of ice in bags on my neck and shoulders.

Uh oh …

Then the yelling started … “Mike!! Mike!! Can you hear me?!?” Not just one voice either … a lot of them … No, not good.

My surroundings are under water; all these wavy figures are hovering over me. People … lots of people … standing in the early stages of a Phillies game.

No, not good at all.

As things are become clearer, I try to find Carol. The look on her face is a glaze of immense relief over deep concern.

Man, am I in trouble …

That fast and a Phillies game on a warm, humid September 11 turned into a six-hour medical ordeal.

The heat had nothing to do with it. Neither did the one beer I barely touched. I was feeling fine all day; had cut the grass in the mounting heat the previous evening with no problems.

We arrived just before the start of the game; and I was standing in the aisle minutes before for The National Anthem following the annual 9-11 remembrance. My only problem at the time was this stabbing pain high on the right side of my ribcage towards my back.

This illustrates something about my thing.

The pain was a couple of days old, self-diagnosed as a pulled muscle …

(Hey, I spent six months pre-pre-med in college, ya know.)

… probably the result of moving boxes or bags of solar salt for the water softener. It was intermittent and seemed random, but very sharp when it acted up.

For some reason on Wednesday night the pain was driving me nuts. Couldn’t get comfortable in my seat. Kept stretching and twisting my back which seemed to help a bit. It was the worst the pain had been since it started several days ago.

Finally, I get situated in a position that didn’t provoke any spasms and settled down to watch the game. For all of maybe 10 minutes …

As I’m sitting there, gazing towards the outfield, I suddenly get this weird feeling, a spell of dizziness I expect to pass quickly. Only it doesn’t. It starts getting heavier and heavier, as though someone had placed a wet bag of sand on my head.

I feel groggy, not nauseous … But something is definitely wrong. My vision gets murky.

I start to panic a bit because I can’t figure out what’s going on. What do I do?

Should I try to make it up to the concourse for help? Do I tell Carol? If I tell her, game over … rightfully … with swarming EMS teams and maybe even a medevac extraction from behind second base!

… And a chance to meet Chase and Jimmy!

So – of course – I decide to see if this will pass before I set off The Panic. Wishful thinking – most times – only gets you so far.

All this took place in the span of maybe 60-90 seconds.

When I broke out into a cold sweat, I gave up the struggle to hide my oncoming Medical Attack (a professional medical term). That’s when I turned to Carol and this blog post begins.

The episode was scary enough for me. But I feel terrible for what I put Carol through. She told me I was out of it, lips blue, face white, at one point convulsing, and unable to speak briefly when I did wake up …

… Minutes later apparently, and I remember not a thing from the moment I turned to her to waking up under all those bags of ice.

There … That’s better …

This was one of those moments when I was glad I married a very beautiful, accomplished, and knowledgeable nurse!

Fortunately, I was still sitting down when the lights when out. And after a preliminary evaluation at the Citizens Bank Park first-aid station and a more thorough going over at Abington Memorial Hospital’s ER, no obvious physical cause was found.

That’s a bit maddening though. Not knowing the whats and whys, only a theory.

The predominant theory appears to be the passing of a kidney stone or some other blockage that caused the back pain (which has disappeared since Wednesday’s episode), and triggering something called a vasovagal reaction to the pain.

It’s a weird, somewhat embarrassing explanation that seems to fit the circumstances. I had never heard of it, but every medical expert we have seen favors the theory.

Could have been a lot worse.

One lesson learned was it ain’t funny – apparently – to the spousal unit left to manage the care and maintenance of a cherished (might be a stretch here …) fainter, especially when there’s no readily available explanation. Got in Big Trouble posting my little adventure on a favorite social media site in mid-evaluation.

She promptly dislocated my iPhone from my possession.

Lesson: Never piss off a nurse!

I finish this with very high praise for the guest relations and first-aid personnel at Citizens Bank Park. They were responsive, professional, and very understanding given the circumstances. The Phillies guest staff did an excellent job!

Thanks to all!

Chip Kelly’s High Flying Circus

Posted on September 10, 2013 by Mike Shortall

Chip Kelly, Circus Master

The visuals from the Philadelphia Eagles win over the Washington Redskins on Monday Night Football were well worth the wait.

After watching ESPN’s fawning over and RG3 preening in anticipation of his highly anticipated return to the gridiron; after listening to the negative ESPN nabobs questioning how the University of Oregon Ducks‘ offense could possibly work in the modern NFL and enduring their almost unanimous vote (Well done, Trent Dilfer!) in favor of the hometown Washington Redskins; after watching RG3 burst out of the inflatable Redskins helmet to kneel upon FedEx Field (Did you too wonder whether RG3 was going to kiss the FedEx turf?), it was a pleasure to view Washington, D.C.’s reactions to Chip Kelly‘s High Flying Circus.

Such was the pleasure of hearing the stadium rocking “RG3 Is Back!” celebration turn into a hushed “WTF is happening?!?” moment-of-crises for Redskins fans. Watching the Skins’ defense waving to each other; gesturing wildly in one direction or the other with each new formation wrinkle. Seeing the expression on Mike Shanahan‘s face as the Eagles’ score mounted and his offense sputtered throughout the first quarter.

McCoy had his dancing shoes on

The only visual I did not enjoy was the look on Robert Griffin, III’s face as he struggled to counter the ease with which Michael Vick and the predatory Eagles sliced through the Redskins’ defense. It was obvious that RG3 is not completely back from his catastrophic knee injury. Respecting Griffin’s game, it was tough to watch him struggle last night.

Now if it was Tony Romo …

Yep, Chip Kelly’s High Flying Circus was in town! There was plenty for Eagles fans to like …

ease with which Eagles receivers were getting open
quick, decisive reads Vick made in shredding the Redskins’ defense
absence of predictability
LeSean McCoy racking up 112 yards rushing in the first half
21 Eagles first downs to 3 for the Skins in the first half
turnover tally favoring the Birds
surprisingly efficient defense

Trent Cole likes playing defense
standing up

As much fun as last night was, this post really is not the near-sighted love fest it sounds like. This Eagles fan has been through too many wild roller coaster rides that ended on the business side of a brick wall to think this game can be this easy. For surely there be monsters out there just looking for the chance to gut this circus and dance on its crushed three-ring tent.

That being said, it was refreshing to finally get the wrapper off the new toys and see how well they played together. We thrilled to see an offense that had you perched on the edge of the seat to take it all in.

We were relieved to see a defense that remembered how to tackle and found ways to get the ball back. We were delighted to find that unorthodox can work if for no other reason than it made football look like fun for both players and fans.

But beware … There be monsters out there!

My concerns start with Michael Vick‘s always tenuous hold on football health, the possible adjustments that the League’s defensive geniuses will throw at Chip Kelly’s HFC, the ability of McCoy to handle the workload AND stay healthy, and whether the defense can maintain a high level of play (at least from that first half). The rather obvious observation from last night’s game is that keeping the trio of Vick, McCoy and DeSean Jackson healthy will be key to this team’s long-term football health

Yep, there are questions aplenty. But at least the ride looks to be exciting!

Diet by App – September 6

Posted on September 5, 2013 by Mike Shortall

Dear Readers: Some followers of Cranky Man’s Lawn seem not all that enamored with such personal, mundane posts as this series on reducing Cranky Man’s physical presence in The Real World. Yes, these status reports are more than a little self-serving and – maybe – not as gripping as my usual cutting edge opinions and humor. (Please don’t miss the HUMOR part of that last sentence.)

Anywho … It’s a PERSONAL blog! Get used to it.

That being said, I will endeavor to make these a bit more interesting with a few stories or tidbits not normally worthy of my renown writing abilities. (Humor … remember?)

And so without further ado …

Things that go Sock in the Night

That night was not a good night for sleeping. For some reason my on-again/off-again snoring habit (She will claim it more On-all-the-Time.) had reared its noisy head. I recall waking up several times with an admonishing voice in my ear and sharp pain radiating from the Her Side of my ribcage.

Yet at some point I was able to settle my snoring down and was sleeping rather fitfully.

It was still in the wee hours of that morning when I was nudged awake by my Better Half asking me to, ” … go downstairs and bring up the socks.”

“Huh …?”, I mumbled before realizing she was asleep and probably dreaming of some convoluted scenario where I was certain to do something not to her liking.

It never crossed my mind to ask what the damn socks were doing downstairs … in the dark … all by themselves. Figuring she would simply go back to sleep I – not surprisingly – fell right into the Convoluted Scenario Trap.

I responded, “Sure, honey, I’ll get them.” And I rolled over to get back to sleep … again.

I had been laying there for but a minute or two when I felt a sudden throwing back of the heavy quilt and my lovely wife’s legs swinging out over the edge of the bed.

“Where are you going?!?”, I asked groggily.

“Well, if you’re not going down to get the socks, I guess I’LL HAVE TO!”

I briefly considered letting her go downstairs to stand in the middle of the living room wondering what she was doing there or – even better – “Who the hell broke in and stole the socks?!?” But guilt and thoughts of costly medical bills from a fall down the steps in the pitch dark convinced me to – somewhat nicely – tell her to lay down; go back to sleep; she was dreaming …

She claims she doesn’t remember The Night of the Neglected Socks; but the laughs we’ve enjoyed since have been real enough.

Forty pairs of socks would weigh about 15.8 pounds.

630 pairs of socks would weigh
about 15.8 pounds.

Starting weight: 236.6 lbs. (Feb 18)

Goal Weight: 200

Plan: Lose one-and-a-half pounds a week

Daily Calorie Budget: 1913 per day (Started at 2020/day)

Projected Goal Achievement (Adjusted): December 2 12

Weight on August 21: 222.0 lbs.

Weight today: 220.8 lbs. (15.8 down)

Changing Hearts and Minds through Weakness

Posted on September 3, 2013 by Mike Shortall

I have to give President Barack H. Obama credit. He has changed my mind on the prospects of taking action against the Bashar al-Assad regime in Syria in the face of alleged – and all but certain – use of chemical weapons against opposition forces and civilians.

My nut is not an easy nut to crack. I have long-held the personal belief that the United States held a special place in the community of nations. It’s a place – to my own thinking and values – where a World Superpower belongs. It’s the role that goes beyond the kind of standard-setting usually the purview of the United Nations. It’s the role of enforcing those standards of common decency when it comes to the bitter realities of armed conflict.

A lot of Americans will categorize this simplistically as the role of World Cop. Many disagree with me on this premise, that our country should be involved in events overseas that appear to have little or no direct impact on U.S. interests.

Those sentiments are well-founded and reflect the commonly held belief that American military personnel and U.S. treasure should be risked only in those situations linked to National Security in almost all cases. So maybe my viewpoint is quite firmly in the minority.

Yet it is a role that in my mind comes with being a World Leader and Superpower. It is a role we have filled many times in the past in various regions of the world in varying degrees of participation.

I am not fond of unilateral U.S. action. I do not favor the use of American boots-on-the-ground, especially in a situation like Syria. What I look for is an American-led process of Consensus Building; the development of a common sense and purpose amongst our primary allies, major world powers, and those countries in closest proximity to the danger and most likely to be affected by any widening of a regional conflict.

My view is of the United States as The Point Man on the diplomatic front and The Muscle when it comes to the military response for which we hold a decided advantage (i.e. technological, hardware, delivery systems, weaponry). When it comes to boots on the ground, the only enforcement situation where this should apply – in my humble opinion – is as part of a multi-national approach to a controllable environment (e.g. Bosnia; Clinton 1999) or where an immediate U.S. response would be sufficiently overwhelming (e.g. Grenada; Reagan 1983).

Now when it comes to Syria, President Obama has sufficiently altered the course of my thinking in a situation where a struggling regime gassed an overmatched military uprising and a defenseless civilian population …

… for all the wrong reasons.

Suddenly, under his mislaid concept of “leadership”, the U.S. looks timid, indecisive, and unfocused. American efforts to build an International Coalition of the Willing was shot in the foot by its biggest allie (Great Britain) before it even got rolling. (WIll we have to rename the English muffin?)

The Office of the President – long The Decider when it comes to the use of U.S. military power in short, direct, and sometimes personal (Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, 1986) responses to violations of international norms – appears confused by Britain’s rejection and unsure as to what to do next.

Instead the country’s Decider punted the issue – just as British Prime Minister David Cameron did – to the Legislator. From my perspective, this has the look of a President hoping someone will get him off the fish-hook he firmly set in his own mouth. When you use terms like “red line”, you had better have a plan of action with several iterations to account for unexpected developments like your Biggest International Allie getting cold feet.

The alternative, fall-back strategy? Apparently there wasn’t one. Which leads one to the obvious question … Who was doing the Leading? Right now, it looks like Cameron and the Brits.

Where's Margaret Thatcher when you need her?

So now Syria mocks us.

To fill the role of International Leader, you must be convinced of your Righteousness; firm in your ability to Lead, even if it means you must lead without your closest friends and allies at your side; and when all else fails, you must be prepared for bold action if necessary and if supported by the facts.

These are the kind of considerations President Obama should have kept in mind before speaking of “red lines” in August 2012. Obviously he and his National Security team didn’t.

And this is what ultimately changed my mind.

If you can not be a strong, prepared, flexible leader, you have no business drawing lines; making promises; and scheduling attacks when you do not have the backbone for the toughest decisions … actually sending Americans to clean up the World’s ugliest messes.

God help the Syrian people …

Cranky Man’s Tips for Life

Posted on August 26, 2013 by Mike Shortall

The following are tips, advice and admonitions which I have ..

a) Found strategically useful,

b) Tactically solid, or …

c) Just sounded cool

They are deliberately vague, hopelessly cliché, and sufficiently applicable to just about any situation, so as to be totally worthless for most situations.

But then there will be that one time you might wish you had these insightful thoughts at your finger tips …

Always check your 6. Never leave your wingman.
Never touch the poker pot until all the cards – including the Dead Hand – are face up on the table.
Your Ship – the one you’re waiting to “come in” – loaded with that once-in-a-lifetime stroke of Luck or your long-denied chance at comfortable Wealth will never arrive until you have little need for the Treasures you so hope will be included on the manifest. Plan accordingly.
Time is a guideline (except for tee times and airlines).
If the Gift Horse smells like a pile of manure, you’re aren’t looking into it’s Mouth.
No one will ever say, “I told you so.”, unless they were right.
You should never need the undercoating, the extended warranty, or the Platinum Protection Plan.
You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometime, well you might just find, you get what you need.
Right Turn on Red is not prefaced by Whenever You’re in the Mood …
When in the gym locker room, right-of-way always goes to the person with no cloths on.
If there’s the potential for tragic consequences, assume the worse and recalculate the Return-On-Stupidity.
Whenever trying to figure out the Mysteries of Life, it’s helpful to remember God has a weird sense of humor.
If it sounds “Too good to be true”, it is.
The ability to Listen is an undervalued skill.
The abilities to write – without spelling errors – and to speak – without “uhs, duhs or likes” – tend to influence people.
When the volcano is rumbling, the Earth shaking violently; and the water turning into sulfuric acid, you need not wait around for the Townhall Meeting providing you with the evacuation routes. Get the hell out now!!

However, should you decide to wait for said Disaster Townhall Meeting, it’s entirely permissible to shoot the knucklehead who keeps asking the stupid questions, like “Do we have to wait for the end of this stupid meeting telling us how to evacuate; or can we leave now?”
There’s never a pony under all that manure.

Keeping the rubber side down …
(anthonylukephotography.blogspot.com)

Keep the rubber side down. The shiny side is decorative only.
Always keep your feet and your gunpowder dry.
Never make an important life decision until you absolutely must. The circumstances will surely change as soon as you commit to an early course of action.
Offense wins games. Defense wins Championships!
Invest heavily in weight loss companies in early December.
Politicians are only as good as their word, which is why you can never believe what they tell you.
Never answer the unasked question.
No one sends you anything of value for free.
Maximize your advantages by exploiting the soft spots in Zone Coverage before they switch to Man-on-Man.
Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.

Never let them see you sweat.
Let them see you as unpredictable Wild Card with a touch of Absolutely Nuts.
When they come to you and say, “We’re the Government; and we’re here to help”, RUN!
When the Government tells you, “Everything’s fine; there’s no reason for panic.”, RUN!
The most dangerous words to come from your Significant Other’s mouth can be “Honey, I’ve been thinking …”
Never fight over the same ground twice.
You will always find it in The Last Place You Look!
Flexibility and Adaptation are the keys to Survival.
Before you hit the “Send” button, re-read your message; consider your audience; and assume not a single person has a sense of humor.
The Truth?!? You can’t handle the Truth!

Diet by App – Hitting the Reset Button

Posted on August 21, 2013 by Mike Shortall

What have I lost?
Male red panda weighs up to 14 lbs.,
and he knows how to relax!

It’s been a rough Summer.

No, nothing tragic or disastrous happened, just six weeks of constant aggravation that – admittedly – wouldn’t have caused a stronger, more patient individual to blink. But sprinkle in enough mini-crises and social distractions (i.e. food-loaded events) and bye-bye Diet-by-App lifestyle.

But enough for my excuses …

The good news is that when I finally faced my non-compliance and hopped on the scale, I found that I had maintained exactly the same weight noted in my last Diet-by-App status report in June!

Apparently the new eating habits formed in my gung-ho happy months had taken hold, even my tendency to snack a bit more than I should hadn’t resulted in weight regression. My preference for a good salad – after a round of golf for example – instead of loading up on a bread-heavy sandwich – my usual menu choice – is one change in eating habits that seems to have helped a lot.

Bane of my existence …
Can you hear it calling you?

Now I find myself avoiding sandwiches – both big and small – almost every time I have the choice in favor of lighter meals.

So here I am, hitting the Reset Button and trying to climb back on the Lose It! wagon!

So where are we?

Starting weight: 236 (Feb 18)

Goal Weight: 200

Plan: Lose one-and-a-half pounds a week

Daily Calorie Budget: 1921 per day (Started at 2020/day)

Projected Goal Achievement: December 2

Weight on June 13: 222.0

Weight today: 222.0

I am rethinking my goal weight, believing that getting my weight down to 200-205 lbs. might be good enough to “declare victory”. But I will endeavor to keep pushing for 200 for the time being.

The day the Phillies kicked Class to the Curb

Posted on August 20, 2013 by Mike Shortall

lehighvalleylive.com

The day they decided to fire Charlie Manuel was another Black Friday in Philadelphia Phillies history!

The other Black Friday most Phillies fans my age remember was Game 3 in the 1977 National League Championship Series, when the home team lost a collapse-from-ahead game to Tommy Lasorda and the Los Angeles Dodgers after relief pitcher Gene Garber gave up three runs in the 9th to blow a two-run lead with TWO OUT!

The lasting image from that day was watching Greg Luzinski desperately trying to glove a drive off the bat of Manny Mota, the result of a puzzling defensive move manager Danny Ozark failed to make in replacing the lugging Luzinski with Jerry Martin, something which he had done all season long in the late innings.

But this Black Friday was different. It’s one thing to have disaster strike in the Heat of Battle, to have Defeat snatched from the jaws of Victory as the result of athletic plays made – or not made. This one however was self-inflicted.

It happened suddenly with little warning to fans settling in for a tough weekend series against those Black Friday Dodgers. Aside from the usual water-cooler and talking head speculation revolving around another lost season, there were few signs of a pending change.

A hastily called news conference was the chosen method on the same day the Phillies had intended to honor Charlie Manuel’s recent 1000th victory in red pinstripes. Reports also had leaked through on-line media that Manuel was out as the Phillies manager.

No sadder image exists for Phillies baseball
(Photo by: Chris Szagola, Associated Press)

It was a very odd, very unfair way to yank the ejection cord on a World Series Champion manager. At times like these that goofy sports reputation of Philadelphia seems so totally well-earned.

Charlie was a winner. He was the Right Man at just the right time. He was down-to-earth. Charlie was baseball classiness with backwoods common sense and a reassuring confidence.

And although it was clear that a change was needed and that lovable Charlie should not return next year, the Phillies were foolish to jettison Manuel before October.

Many fans felt he deserved better. Charlie had earned not only the right to finish out the season free from blame, but the opportunity for the fans to show their appreciation and affection for a well-respected member of the Phillies community and the Philadelphia region!

Instead, the forever-to-be-popular manager was unceremoniously and uncaringly dumped by an organization that has lost its Baseball Way under the management Amaro.

Black Friday was a real eye-opener for those of us who live Phillies baseball.

For Phillies fans it was not hard to recognize that Manuel’s tenure was coming to an end. But the team’s slide in recent seasons from NL East powerhouse was hardly his doing. Bad free agent signings, key injuries to core players, and a lack of young talent in the minors ready to help had so much more to do with it.

But NONE of that were the product of Charlie Manuel!

Emotion-driven before and after pics of my de-Phillied ride

Before and after Black Friday pics

My reaction, as shown above, was predictably emotional like many Phillies fans. I’m getting too old to suffer the ignorant actions of men making a living at silly games. You earn my unbridled loyalty only to a point. Once you go way past Stupid, I tend to stop caring.

The defrocking we witnessed Friday was a self-inflicted wound of the worst kind. For the Philllies showed their true colors, and Ruben Amaro, Jr. showed us HIS.

Amaro’s tears were there. His insistence that Charlie Manuel meant so much to him. The claims that this was not an exercise in finger-pointing, despite the fact that Amaro’s finger was on the trigger and that gun was pointed squarely at Manuel’s center mass.

Now no doubt, there are plenty of baseball reasons for which one can justify the firing of a manager with just 42 games remaining on the schedule and the team is 20 games out of first.

Certainly it seemed that the team had stopped caring enough to pay attention to detail. Maybe Charlie should have turned over a few post-game buffet tables in the Phillies’ locker room. In a perfect world, maybe we could understand Amaro’s stated desire to give interim manager, Ryne Sandberg an audition.

But Uncle Charlie deserved a far better ending than this. And in my opinion none of those baseball reasons outweighed the respect the Phillies owed him!

That Amaro was the one doing the firing was particularly galling. Afterall, this team was much more the product of Amaro’s foibles than it was of Charlie’s managing ability and effort.

Amaro was the one who admitted to doing a horrible job of putting together the Phillies 2013 bullpen. He was the one who brought in Delmon Young; who told us Mike Adams was a good bet; who gave us an outfield without much “field”. Amaro was the one who stocked the less-than-stellar bench.

New Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg

Ryne Sandberg is exactly who I wanted to see get the next chance to move the Phillies back to the top of baseball. But not like this, not now.

As partial season ticket holders, we have been prepared for a long, slow climb back to the top. But now the total disregard for a once successful and well-respected face of the franchise has left a bitter taste on top of an embarrassing season.

If Amaro gets to ride this out, it’s difficult to see how the Phillies get better regardless of who’s managing in the dugout.

Cranky Man’s Lawn ’13 – Mushroom blooms and the Big Mo

Posted on August 13, 2013 by Mike Shortall

Front lawn, where usually grass goes to die each Summer

Lawn aficionados in this part of the country are ecstatic. A long wet Spring, a reasonable Summer with plenty of rain have left the well-cared-for lawn in probably the best shape they have ever been in any Mid-Atlantic state in August.

If you have been feeding your lawn properly – including regular mulching cuts that deposit clippings to decompose and provide valuable nutrients, you should be seeing a few lawn mushrooms bloomin’ among your Leaves of Grass.

Fear not the ‘shrooms!

They portend Good Health and Cheer among your grassy fiefdom! And yet even better lawn conditions can be found from a pleasant Indian Summer and those first hints of impending Fall.

For those with weak lawns, this is a good time to prepare yourself to take advantage of the second-best grass-growing season of the year. With a little TLC and a plan, you care begin to turn your lawn around well ahead of Spring 2014.

Evaluate the overall condition and health of your lawn, and consider the potential benefits of detaching, re-seeding, and fertilizing. With cooperative weather conditions (Can our luck hold?), the middle of September through Thanksgiving can be almost as good for lawn growth as Spring!

Dethatching
(Picture from safe lawns.org)

(Consider closely the “potential benefits” of detaching …” because – Trust me – it’s a LOT of work. But if needed and done correctly at the right time, it can offer huge improvement!)

For those of us with established lawns, another application of weed ‘n feed is a Cranky Man recommendation. And taking advantage of Big Mo (as in Mo-mentum) now will continue to promote favorable lawn conditions; building with good growth and – hopefully – even better lawn conditions heading out of Summer and into Fall!

Carpe grassem!

Of course if for one reason or another your lawn is still a bit thin, another option could be the application of a good starter fertilizer. Every year I struggle to keep several parts of the yard thick and green. These are generally around the south side and front (east) of the house. On a whim, which should have been an obvious “Duh …” moment, I decided to throw down a regular starter fertilizer along those areas in April, after a good aerating and over-seeding.

If it works on the corn …
(Picture from mississippi-crops.com)

The results were impressive for both the new seeding and the older, established grasses, although I’m sure the favorable weather was also a significant contributing factor. The grass in those areas in the greenest and thickest it’s been in quite a while, minus the thin brown spots that always show up when the temperatures heat up.

My plan for the rest of the year:

Potentially, hitting the other half of the lawn with a Starter fertilizer this week since it worked so well on the first half of the lawn.
Another round of Weed ‘n Feed in mid September, making sure I leave 4-6 weeks between this and 1. above.
Application of the Winter feed anytime between Halloween and Thanksgiving.

Seize the Lawn!

See you next year!

Shower King

Posted on August 8, 2013 by Mike Shortall

Ferris Bueller was certainly
King of his shower!

Wonderful is the life of The King of the Castle!

After weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks of travel to painstakingly select the finest materials from all The Land; begrudgingly indulging the persistent needs of The Craftsmen as they toiled to produce a suite suitable to the Household Royalty; and living in the relative squalor of cramped Guest Accommodations, this morning it was This Lord of This Castle’s decision to christen the newly renovated Monarch’s Personal Retreat and Shower Hall!

Merlin-esque plumbery

As I enjoyed the warm, luxurious stream of an opulently appointed Monument to Modern Plumbery, I marvelled at the wondrous gifts of Nature and almost Merlin-like Saucery that surrounded me. I bathed in appreciation for the impressive talents of the Artisans of the Land.

As I completed the showering process …

(Sorry … No photography was allowed for obvious reasons of Taste and in the interest of preserving the Public’s Vision and Sanity.)

… in preparation for my day among The Inhabitants of the Realm, I recalled a recent admonition from The Queen of The Manor.

“You better make sure you squeegee the glass shower door!”

Huh …?

Now I’m pretty sure there was a “Your Highness” added to that suggestion, but I might be imagining that.

So there I was … in all my Royal Splendor this morning …

(Again … Sorry, no pics.)

OK … Here’s a pic.
Use your imagination.

Working that squeegee like a one-armed Royal Window Washer …

‘Cause – ya know – I needed the other hand to keep the towel properly positioned!

Anyways, if you ever want a Crown-worthy Challenge, try squeegeeing the lower portions of a glass shower door while attempting to maintain Your Royal Dignity!

Then please, tell me how many weeks I need to keep doing this silly housekeeping chore without invoking The Queen’s Wrath …

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

Posted on July 25, 2013 by Mike Shortall

Consolidated B-24 Liberator

When it comes to book reviews, I can get a bit wordy. (Hard to believe, I know!) Usually this occurs because my goal is to encourage people, who might hold the same interests, to read a book I have found enjoyable or educational.

Such encouragement won’t be necessary for Unbroken, one of the few books I had to ask coworkers not to discuss in my presence so as not to spoil a highly anticipated read. As an entry at the top of best-seller lists for quite some time, it had a rather large following long before I got around to picking it up.

Laura Hillenbrand, who also wrote the best-seller (and eventual movie) Seabiscuit, masterfully chronicles the true life and trials of Louis Zamperini. The main character of Unbroken, Zamperini led a fascinating – and at times tragically graphic – life.

Born of Italian parents and living as a teen in Torrance, California Zamperini fought the allure of juvenile delinquency early in life through competitive running. He developed into a record-holding high school track star, qualified for the 1936 Olympics held – appropriately enough considering the main theme of his story – in Berlin, Germany during the swelling of European Nazism and the reign of Adolph Hitler.

Zamperini tied 5000 meter world-record holder, Dan Lash, to qualify for the '36 Olympics as a high school runner

Zamperini tied 5000 meter world-record holder, Don Lash, to qualify for the ’36 Olympics as a high school runner

While still in high school, Zamperinin’s 56-second final lap performance in the 5000 meter in the 1936 Olympics was so impressive, Der Führer Adolph Hitler pointedly asked to meet him. Legend has it Zamperini made off with one of the Führer’s personal flags before leaving Berlin.

The circle of karma to which this event belongs is but a small segment of a truly amazing story.

Zamperini, not quite ready to call 1936 the apex of his athletic career, trains hard for the 1940 Olympics, scheduled to be held – of course – in Tokyo, Japan. But with the drums of World War II beating throughout the world, the 1940 Olympics never occur and Louis Zamperini marches off, along with millions of other young Americans, to a world-wide conflagration to beat back fascism and the Asian Pacific designs of the Japanese Empire.

Louis Zamperini becomes one of the recognizable icons representing all those who risked everything to free half the world from tyranny. He becomes one who survives perhaps the one collective ordeal that might rival death in combat as a more favorable outcome.

Trained as a bombardier flying in B-24 Liberators in the Pacific Theatre, Zamperini survives a non-combat air crash; barely survives a 47-day ordeal floating in a raft through the Central Pacific with two fellow crewmen – one of whom does not survive the ordeal; then spends the rest of the war at the mercy of several sadistic Japanese prison camp guards.

There is no “spoil” in laying out the major waypoints of the Zamperini saga here because you must read the details of his journey to truly appreciate the mind-numbing difficulties faced by Zamperini and the thousands of POWs and civilians held by a Japanese culture where surrender and capitulation rendered the subjugated as inferior beings unworthy of humane treatment.

The telling of this part of the Zamperini tale would normally make the events that preceded it nothing more than prelude, yet his early life challenges and his evolution into an Olympian admired throughout the world is equally interesting. And his fame in pre-war life has its effects on his captivity at the hands of the Japanese, a scary intersection that may have saved his life while at the same time rendering his time as a prisoner-of-war barely survivable!

Mr. Zamperini still resides in Torrance, CA at the extraordinary age of 96!

Mr. Zamperini still resides in Hollywood, CA at the extraordinary age of 96!

It is – very simply – a story that must be read to be believed.

As one might expect, his life immediately after his return from imprisonment includes post-traumatic symptoms and problems in his attempts to return to a normal life. In this regard, Zamperini’s experiences are no different in most regards to those suffered by thousands of POWs in WWII and hundreds of others in dozens of wars.

In these “book reports” I tend to share those new things I learned or the more interesting perspectives a good read can bring to light. But to do this here would simply spoil a fascinating twist to Zamperini’s psychological and spiritual recovery.

So if you are one of the few who – like me – waited too long to pick up a fascinating book, grab Unbroken before the movie comes out!

In 1998, at the spry age of 81, Zamperini was afforded the opportunity to run a leg of the Olympic torch relay for the Winter games in Nagano, Japan. While there he requested the opportunity to meet his worst POW tormentor, but was frustrated in his attempt.
For those of us Philadelphia Eagles fans, Mr. Zamperini continues to attend USC football games, and is purportedly a friend of recent Eagles draft pick, QB Matt Barkley!
Unbroken, to be directed by actress Anjolina Jolie, is slated to appear in movie theatres for Christmas 2014.