Our first experience in the stately art of the Couples Massage was a happening just 18 months ago during a memorable trip to Punta Cana in the beautiful Dominican Republic. We so thoroughly enjoyed that initial experience, we made a point of scheduling one for our most recent trip to Sandals South Coast at Whitehouse, Jamaica!
This trip intended to celebrate milestone birthdays for Carol and her BFF. And no, I will not be revealing the specific milestone in the desire to preserve my physical and mental health!
For this Couples Experience we would be in the good … uh … hands of the fine people of Jamaica. No problems, mon!
As with any comparison, there are obvious and subtle differences, which can render comparisons somewhat unfair. The most obvious differences were as follows:
- Sandals SC: a verdant and fragrant bungalow-type structure in a quiet section of the resort ; Barceló PC: a somewhat sterile looking storefront in a large retail and restaurant complex in the middle of the resort
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Red Lane Spa at Sandals South Coast (Jamaica)
- Sandals SC: common area in a centralized court for post-massage libations and quiet time and communal Jacuzzi and shock pool available for use any time; Barceló PC: secluded private personal courtyard with bottle champagne and shock pool (i.e. shock as in damn cold!) with communal Jacuzzi, shock pools, swim pool and shade pool available for use any time
- Atmosphere: Advantage Sandals SC; Post-massage amenities: Advantage Barceló PC
As for me, I took a significantly different approach to my second couples experience. The first time, I opted for Modesty, keeping my bathing suit on for our massage. I was glad I did since my male counterpart was politely requested to don a “banana hammock” when he went au naturel!
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Red Lane treatment room similar to ours
My curiosity in this regard would give any cat a case of the heebee-jeebees. And yet I decided to go the Full Monty, arriving in nothing but the simple, yet comfortable robe provided. I was relieved when I was not asked to “hammock up”! Relieved because I doubt the massage would have been as enjoyable with Carol’s hysterical laughing.
Carol was a bit surprised to see me sans all Decorative Trappings of Modest Society. But at least she held her laughter. On the other hand I was a bit perplexed by her decision to retain a strategic piece of undergarment.
My Jamaican masseuse – on the other hand – did not skip a beat, although she discreetly conducted a tactile “undies check” through the sheet that was thinly covering my caboose. During the massage, she ensured continued discretion through the strategic use of sheeting whenever she asked me to reposition.
Too be honest, I was a bit surprised at how things progressed once my lack of drapery was noted. I was betting on the area just south of the equator being completely avoided.
Boy, was I wrong!
The Jamaicans are nothing if not prepared for anything.
Instead of the entire Equator being tactfully avoided, only the Bermuda Triangle and Death Valley ended up being “no fly zones”!
The central courtyard where post-massage recovery is fragrance-filled.
Afterwards we were provided with privacy and the chance to use a rather large and roomy shower. Then it was out to the central courtyard where fragrant flowers, muted sunlight, and comfortable benches awaited. Adult libations were served in the form of fruit-blended champagne. The environment was heavenly.
To say the entire experience was enjoyable and relaxing is a gross understatement. Although the exfoliation of the feet and lower legs – included at Barceló PC – was not part of the Sandals SC treatment, our Jamaican couple’s massage was slightly more enjoyable. (This is my own personal opinion, likely the result of surface area covered by the Hands of Jamaica!)
Differences in facilities and the extent of treatments are to be expected. The important constant is the pleasure and relaxing nature of enjoying a sensuous massage with your significant other.
Don’t miss out should you have the opportunity!
Have I mentioned I don’t like to travel???
I have finally given in.
Sleep apnea tends to occur in adults who are overweight (check … but only slightly!). But it can occur in anyone, at any age … even children can develop it. 
) is much quieter than I expected, having heard nightmare about noisy contraptions rivaling window air conditioners in ruling the nighttime environment. The masks used to provide the CPAP benefit come in three styles ranging from full mouth and nose cover to simple nasal pillows (the ones I use) that nestle snuggly against the nostrils. No need to be limited to full, intrusive face masks!
Now before the Politically Correct legions on the internet break out the Tar & Feathers, I am not suggesting that women are necessarily bad for the American Health System. On the other hand, recent experiences suggest that women seem to have a YUGE gap in one aspect of practicing medicine in a society where – last time I checked – males comprise roughly half the patient population.
Due to the immediacy of my condition, I was unable to see my regular physician – a male, I might add – but was completely satisfied with being place in the care of a Nurse Practitioner. When admitted to your typical patient treatment room, we were joined by the NP (whose name will be protected regardless of her crappy bedside manner) followed by her shadowing medical student … also female, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The room broke down into spasms of hilarity. Well, most of it anyway …
I will spare you the offensive images and suggestions that were rained upon my delicate mental state. But the psychological impact was demoralizing … even if I managed a nervous laugh here and there.
Summer’s tend to be most beneficial to blooming orange cones; but this one might set a record, not just for orange cones but also for orange detour signs (announced weeks in advance) and the deployment of the 
You can pre-treat in March (Too late now …) or wait until you see beetles. But don’t lolligag once you do see them. Grub treatments are intended to keep grubs from entering the lawn. Once they get in there, it may be too late to keep them out!
Cranky Man's Lawn 