As the title  attests, I have learned well the Art of Hyperbole.  For there is no Real Danger in blogging, unless one is blogging from downtown Tehran or Anywhere, Syria.  For us bloggers in the unseasonably warm Mid-Atlantic U.S.A., the only risks we face are dry skin from indoor heating, the perils of non-ergonomic work stations, and the potential for embarrassment when we put ourselves Out There on the internet.

I blog, therefore I am. *

I’ve come to realize this is why I blog.  There really isn’t any other point since I’m not seeking to get rich from it … yet.  I write simply because I like to write.  I tired of wasting what little I did write on office work and the occasional Letter to the Editor.  Once you decide to put yourself Out There offering something, you take the risk of rejection.  But when a reader mentions that you wrote something that had value for them, it’s personally confirming and gratifying. 

I try to have fun when I write, taking a risk here and there with topics and the way I approach them.  If it looks and feels like work, it probably is work; and what’s the point in that for an amateur blogger?!?        

So, it’s been a year … almost, but close enough.  100 posts … over 55,000 words …  The shortest post was just 14 words, the longest 1552.  Over 5,700 blog visits, yet only 217 comments, not including the 2,517 spam comments that WordPress thoughtfully filtered out.     

So, what did we do here this past year?

Cranky Man dabbled  in the art of Literary Reviews, Sports Nostalgia, and breaking down elitist Northeast Cultural Barriers.  He dove into Local and Regional Politics; and he extolled the potential legacy of a Much Maligned National Leader.  When he believed the quality-of-life in his home community was being threatened, he launched into explanations of the Risks and Rewards of Sound Community Action, at times implementing his aforementioned well-honed skill by making his point via Futuristic Hyperbole. 

He made attempts at Humor and invited the wrath of his Spousal Unit … uh … more than once.  Cranky Man also got a tad sentimental when it came to Kids Leaving the Nest and his experiences in Philadelphia’s Catholic schools.    

Cranky Man gets Preachy at times; and once he made a bit too much out of a brief, weird give-and-take between two strangers in a cold, dark parking lot.  But he was also a Man of the Earth … offering The People what they really crave … Quality Lawn Care Advice!  Even if it did mean “diming out” a neighbor or dispelling a few Lawn Misconceptions!

He also had a few WTF Moments dealing with Catastrophic Weather Events and the organizational needs of Breast-Feeding Mothers.  But there were also opportunities to act as Travel Guide and Golf Course critic.

In short, our subject matter has been all over God’s creation in this blog’s short lifespan!  Blog aficionados would consider such a helter skelter approach “a bad thing”.  Blogs are supposed to target specific audiences with specific needs on specific topics.  I haven’t figured out yet which direction – if any direction – to take with this endeavor.  I really enjoy writing about whatever interests me at any given moment.

What are SOME of the things we learned?

Certainly we found out that Politics sells, especially Local Politics where media coverage is more than sufficient but commentary and analysis is thin.  Without a doubt the posts that garnered the most interest – from site visit statistics – were posts on Community issues and County politics.  Our most active day was when former Montgomery County Commissioner Jim Matthews was arrested for perjury.  (I retract earlier statements that described Matthews as completely worthless.  He certainly made for good blog fodder.)

On a smaller scale, Horsham’s struggle over the future of the now-vacant Joint Reserve Base Willow Grove was also a significant topic of interest …  for me and for my readers.  So without a doubt, local politics and community issues are big draws. 

My book reviews? Not so much.  Just consider them a Public Service, like trash collection.

What challenges are expected for the coming year?

Of course, I want to further broaden my audience.  To that end, you will probably see more written about local politics and community interests.  We’ve had some success getting listed on local media sites.  Hopefully more of that is in the future.

I want to upgrade the theme and appearance of the blog, as well as bring in some advertising.  Hey, I’m a Capitalist at heart, even if my cover is Public Employee!  I promise to do so tastefully without overwhelming my audience with some of the trash and clutter I see on other sites.  (So if you know any reasonably priced web designers, send me their names!)

I would like to generate more discussion on the blog.  Posts on politics or sports are more receptive to discussion.  You may see more of the former and perhaps our first of the latter, but sports is not a particular direction I wish to pursue.  That subject is just beaten to death, especially in and around Philly. 

I also learned NEVER to fully trust Spellcheck.

Finally, I will lose 15 pounds before September!  No, this is not the kind of revelation one would expect to see here.  But I have been making this promise to no one but myself for years, and I have not been keeping myself honest.  Now that this is also Out There, I risk future embarrassment should I fail to do what is really in my own best interest.  (Why September?  Because that’s when our oldest son will be married to the lovely Janelle Lynn!)

This should be an interesting year, especially if it ends up being the last year we on a planet purportedly just waiting for the right moment to collapse in upon itself.  Should that end up being the case, the commitments made above won’t really matter.  

Should be fun to see what really happens.  So please stick around!

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 * more Hyperbole … See how it just pulls you in?

A friend of mine lost someone close yesterday.

He wasn’t a relative, a coworker, or a golf partner.  He wasn’t even human.

My friend had to put to rest his dog. 

Buddy was big fluffy bear of a Golden Retriever. He was as friendly and as frumpy as they come. Clumsy with his tail as a drunken, one-armed paper hanger. Many a glass was swept off the coffee table by that large golden windshield wiper.

When we played poker at his house, Buddy would greet me at the door by sticking his muzzle between my legs until I relented and gave him his due greeting. 

I’ll miss him too!

To all my friends, family and all Cranky Man readers!

Happy Holidays and a wonderful New Year!

Proud to announce that Cranky Man’s Lawn can now be found on the blog roll of The Reporter, an on-line community paper serving North Penn, Lansdale, Indian Valley and surrounding communities!

A nice little step further out into the world.  I like the idea of having a more local outlet to potential readers.

Check it out at http://www.thereporteronline.com/blogs/life/#one.

We’re included under the LIFE tab, down the page under COMMUNITY BLOGS.

(I can think of no better way to erase the nasty aftertaste left by Tuesday’s election outcome – for me anyway – than to reflect on the sacrifice of those who make such an Exercise of Freedom possible!) 

It is way too easy to repeat the suggestion to seek out a veteran or current military member and “Thank them” for their service.  That seems like such an inadequate approach towards what is – for many of us – an incomprehensible level of commitment and devotion.

(I did hear an even better admonition this morning, one that said to the effect “Don’t just thank a veteran; Hire one!”)

In addition to all those good ideas, try to imagine yourself called – from your cozy, mundane, safe life – into a scenario like Omaha Beach, Antietam, Hue, or Baghdad and attempt to measure yourself against the danger, the death, the incredible dedication required of those who went there no doubt reluctantly but bravely, and successfully performed their duty.

Then take that a step further, and reflect on all those hundreds-of-thousands who did all that yet never returned.

Somehow just saying “Thank you!” doesn’t seem to be nearly enough.

Having just spent 12 days vacationing in sunny (when it wasn’t foggy) California, it was time to venture back to reality and the “joy” of returning to work.  And an ominuos beginning it was.

Woke up to a weather report that included flash flood warnings for low-lying areas of Montgomery County, so it seemed like I never left!  Actually had a dream where I rolled over in bed to a beautiful blue sky full of puffy white clouds and the warm California sun gently caressing my face.  Of course I was actually just half-asleep – obviously suffering from the effects of jet lag – and standing in front of the bathroom sink; the facial warmth provided by the blinding glare of the vanity high-beams.  The protruding toothbrush and flavor of Crest should have been the first clue.

The worst moment of the day however, was pulling up to the security gate at work (not until 10:00 a.m., mind you) and viewing a pitch-black sky that promised the imminent arrival of a drenching downpour.  (A more appropriate segue from vacation-to-salt mine I dare you to find!)  Of course said soaking rain waited very patiently for me to park and exit my vehicle before commencing to further dampen my already soggy spirit.     

Ah … September in Philly!

Needless to say, the rest of the day could have been worse … and was.  Did you get the mandatory training done?  Where’s your labor input??  Your program funding was half-a-month short!  Did you sign those approvals yet?  The contractor wants to know where those documents are! 

If it hadn’t been for both Atlanta and Boston getting booted out of the MLB playoff picture last night, I would have just curled up in the fetal position under the desk.  Oh well … Enough about me.

I know you have all missed me while I was gone; so I’ll give you a look at what I plan to talk about for the next few weeks.  And in no way is any of this intended to make you jealous or uncomfortable about the state of Mike’s life.  (OK, maybe just a little …)  

• A Yankee in La La Land
• The wonders of golf at Pebble Beach
• Pebble Beach?!?  Wait ’til you play Spyglass Hill!! 
• Eating my way through California
• Mission Viejo: How mountain lions and rattlesnakes cured my slice (almost)

Of course somewhere in there I also have to work in a few posts about some important local political fodder.  But it’s going to take a week or so for me to regain the frame of mind needed to do that justice. 

In the meantime, GO PHILLIES! 

On this recurring celebration of your 29th birthday, I wish you love, happiness, and continued success in dealing with my off-the-wall interests – like blogging – that you find so amusing and bewildering!

All my love!
– Mike